i am sitting at the hospital in flagstaff with my mom and thinking to myself..."i don't like seeing her like this". she had to have surgery on her hip again. the hardware they put in last year came loose and she has been in pain for over 6 months.

my mom is my hero! she has always been there for me. she has been my best friend since i was born, lol. to see her in pain, to see her restless, to see her helpless just breaks my heart and makes me cry.

not only is this week a very stressful one for me, it will be a challenging one. one where i will need to find all the strength that i have to just make it through these next few days. life has given me some challenges to overcome and some decisions that were very difficult to make. though i know in the end...they will be for the best.

i know that this is just a test of my strength and courage. i know this to shall pass. i am learning that i don't always have control over situations that arise. that choices others make can interfere with my decisions. i just need to remember that they are MY choices. that i may listen to advice from others but i don't have to apply them to my life.

in the end i know that things will work out. it's just very difficult for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

please say a little prayer for my mom tonight. may the Lord keep her safe while i am not with her.

{{hugs}} and goodnight.

"God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow or sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it".

i was reminded on wednesday night that it's ok to stand up for what you believe in. to trust in yourself and the Lord to guide you. no matter what faith you are, if you trust in the Lord and try everyday to follow His example you will be blessed. i know i am a child of God. i know that he loves me and accepts me for WHO i am. i know that even though i have fallen off the beaten path that i will always find my way home. in time i know that to be true. for now, i will follow my heart and when I am ready...i will be whole! thank you bishop nielsen for allowing me to be me and loving me even though i am less active. by your example and love of the Lord, i know someday i will find my way back.

{{hugs}} connie

i am learning each and every day what is truly important in this life. i am taking baby steps to find ME and be the person I want to be. i can't give myself and of myself as i have in the past. i felt as though what i WAS giving, was NEVER enough or NEVER good enough. it's hard to change that after sooo very many years. it's hard to tell yourself...you ARE good! that you do have a lot to give and to offer others. i am also learning that it's ok to take time for yourself to re-organize and rejuvenate...your heart, body, mind and spirit. by doing so, you find your inner truth, the best of YOU! what i find beautiful in this life has made realize what is important in this life...family and friends!

my family is the most important, special gift that i have been blessed with. i don't know where i would be or what i would be doing without them. my kids have blessed my life for over 19 years. i have grown with them as well as grown up. they have given me trials and blessing to strengthen me. i have learned so very much from them. i was blessed to have had a man give me these 4 beautiful gifts. each one of them have such a sweet spirit.

austin has given me more than he will EVER know or understand in this life. my life has been truly enriched and touched by him. if you haven't been touched by his smile or sweet spirit, you my friend, have missed out.

trevor, my miracle baby! his talents are so incredible that a mother could not be more pleased. his heart is so full of love that very few will ever get the chance to share. i hope that one day...he will share it with the world.

dallin always was a momma's boy. he is such a go-getter. his tender heart is one that will win everyone over with. through his struggles he finds a way to work through it and sports has help a lot. something i admire in him is his determination. no mater the outcome, he just picks up the pieces and moves along.

my baby girl, haleigh! she is truly a light at the end of a dark tunnel. her sense of humor will turn any bad day to a good one. to live with three strong brothers is a good thing for her. she will ALWAYS be protected!! i have always said good things come in small packages and how this is so true to her as well. she has been such a strong girl to have been through so much in her short life.

god has truly given me the best gift ever to be a mom to these 4 amaZing children!!

a second chance at love and true happiness is such a special gift. to be loved unconditional, no matter what, is true HAPPINESS! i found my best friend in a man who knows who HE is. who excepts the good and the bad. who has taken on more than he should have. who doesn't go to bed without saying goodnight and i love you. who loves me more than i have ever been loved. who loves my children and family for WHO they are. who smiles at the simple things and laughs at the bad things and moves on. who wakes up ever day starting it new and with a clean slate. who says "good morning my love" each and every morning. who wants only the best for this life. who has found his everything and for that...i am one luCkY lady! tom, thank you for loving me everyday. for teaching me how to have fuN. for sharing your life with me and the kids. for allowing me to be ME and not somebody you want me to be. for giving me strength everyday to see what is most important. for supporting me through counseling, life retreats, family time and our time. you my love, my husband, my best friend make me smile everyday!!

my extended family...oh i wouldn't even be here without them. literally, had to have a man and women to get me here, lol. was getting too sentimental. no seriously...i have a wonderful mother, two fathers, 4 brothers, 1 sister, grandparents, many aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews. i also have a wonderful father-in-law and mother-in-law who have taken me, my children and family into their family. what a true humble blessing.

i swear my friends are part of my family. i don't seem to have trouble making friends. i have always loved meeting new people. i do keep them really close to me and my heart. i have been blessed with so many great people in my life. some really close, some at a distant, work friends, and friends through family and friend. wow, BLESSED! i am learning as well that you can have many friends and where those friends stand in my life. how near or far they may be. that there is much to learn and gain from these friends of mine. that in time you may need to de-clutter your life and sometimes that may be friends as well. and you know what, that is OK!! i have gotten and they have received all that could be from the friendship and it's time to move on. sometimes it's really hard and sad but most of the time...it's a good thing.

this life is a true learning experience! what i have learned, what i am still learning and what i can't wait to learn... is so exciting!

peace is coming...i can feel it!

last minute cancellations for {Creative Escape}

if you have always wanted to attend...here is your chance!!

Don't miss the ultimate scrapbook indulgence hosted by Bazzill Basics Paper and Heidi Swapp, in Arizona, Aug. 26 – 28, 2010.

Bring a friend and enjoy:

* Ten classes taught by some of the industry’s greatest teachers.

* Products from fabulous scrapbooking sponsors who love the legacy of scrapbooking.

* A chance to trade projects and goodies with CE friends in the beautifully decorated Provo Craft Swap Room.

* A place for inspiration and ideas with the girls in the wild and crazy House of 3 Crop Room.

* Delicious gourmet meals and decadent surprises.

* A chance to participate in fundraising-fun with teachers past and present and the ScrapMap Cruise team… all supporting the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

For more information, visit creativeescapeaz.com/2010. Register now!

i am posting today as i have many thoughts in my head.

have you ever felt like you needed to just STOP and LISTEN?!

i did that and i found my heart and mind saying "check on a friend".

i stopped and took a moment to check on that friend.

as i received a response back she told me i just stopped her from doing something that might have changed her life and many others.

this post is to remind myself and others how important this LIFE is.

how special we ALL are.

that we ALL have so much to give and so much to gain in this life.

we all have struggle and challenges.

some may be very small while others are quite BIG.

it's how we deal with these challenges that makes our life what it is and what it can be.

sometimes it might be hard to take that step forward not knowing what the outcome may be.

though you never will know if you don't try.

take that one little step, let go and be BRAVE!

cause YOU my friend are loved!

{{hugs}} connie


A journey of a thousand miles

begins with a single step.
~Lao-tzu

{lovely}

i heard this song the other day while i was in the shower. i immediately had to get out and find out who was singing it.

i LOVE the lyrics and thought to myself...

yep, i AM lovely!!

so are all of you out there.

remember don't change for someone else.

you will NEVER be happy.

you will NEVER have peace.

you will NEVER be {YOU} !!

i am learning everyday to be just ME and to be ok with myself.

as for me, the rest is still unwritten...

eNjoY...

LOVELY

(Sara Haze)

I don't wanna be her
I just wanna be little old me
I shouldn't have to think
Who am I supposed to be today
And what gave you the right
To tell me who I should be
Who gave you that right

Cuz, I feel LOVELY just the way that I am
Yes, I feel LOVELY the way that I am

I know you want the best
Yeah only good things for me
But you have to realize
I can't be all these things you project on me

Cuz I'm beautiful to me
Doesn't that mean a thing?

I feel LOVELY just the way that I am
Yes I, I feel LOVELY the way that I am

I need that to be enough for you
I need that to be enough for you
Cuz it's enough for me
It's enough for me

Am I supposed to give up everything I am
Just to make you happy?
I thought I was the one you always wanted me to be
It turns out
I'm just little old me
I'm just little old me
And that's fine by me

Cuz I, I am LOVELY just the way that I am
Oh yes I am
Yes I, I am LOVELY the way that I am

I am LOVELY, LOVELY
I am LOVELY !!

missing them!!!

you never know what you have until it's gone, right? well two weeks is too long for me!! can't wait to have my fuN lovin', craZy kiddos back in my arms.

i just lOvE them to pieces!!!

mY senior boYs!!

it's hard to believe that my two oldest boys have graduated high school. where did all those years go? i can remember when they were born, when they entered kindergarten, middle school, jr high and high school. now to think that all those memorable moments have come and gone. so glad to have videos and pictures to reminisce on the memories of these special times.

austin & trevor both graduated from seminary on thursday night. seminary is a religious class through the church of jesus christ of latter day saints that they have attended for 4 years whiled attending high school. on friday, may 21, 2010 they graduated from high school.

 

what an accomplishment for both of them. to see them progress and achieve many awards, dreams and goals have been pure joy as their mother.

trevor received a second place award for 2010 high school communication contest in a video sports story at the senior award ceremony on friday. he is so talented in arts and digital media. he is also a very talented writer. i am truly inspired when i read his work. i can't stop saying, "i can't believe my son wrote that". he is such a talented kid and i hope someday everyone will known it.

austin will stay at least one more year at the high school while we get him ready for the real world. next year he will be doing a lot of job shadowing and setting goals for his life beyond high school. i am truly excited as his mom to see him reach all of these goals. i have always said "austin is not here on earth to be an academic scholar, he is here to put a smile on your face". i still believe this strongly in my heart. he has been through a lot in his life and has overcome many obstacles. he is full of determination and 

his smile is huge when he has accomplished it.

i am so thankful for all the family and friends who took the time to come and support austin & trevor. i know it meant a lot to them as it did me. they are blessed to be surrounded by many who love and support them. in the end...love truly is all that matters!

CONGRATULATIONS BOYS!!! I LOVE YOU.

2 amaZing solos!!

**PLEASE pause the music from my playlist before you watch these videos so you can have full eNjoYment**

i am so proud of my two senior boys! they each had their final concerts the first week of may and i had NO idea that they each had solos!! trevor has played the trumpet for jazz band, marching band and regular band all four years of high school. on tuesday night, may 4th he had a solo for jazz band. they played cold play's "viva la vida" in which trevor had some solo parts.

on wednesday night, may 5th austin had his choir concert. again i had NO idea he had a solo part. when his director announced he was the solo i was hurrying trying to get my camera to the video mode and i missed the very beginning. i managed to get most of it. this was a tear jerker for me. as many of you know my austin is totally blind, autistic and mentally challenged. they sang "lean on me" with him having the opening part. amaZing i say, just absolutely AMAZING!!!

way to go you two. again...another memory and proud moment for your mom!!

catching up...

it's hard to believe that i had two senior boys who went to prom this year. it was such a bitter sweet day for me.  to see my two boys ask these girls and escort them all day.  tom and i chaperoned austin and his date as these two kiddos are truly special at heart.  God made them with abilities none of us would want but these two, are amaZing!

trevor took his girlfriend kyah and they coupled with his friend patrick and his date maddi.  trevor started the day by taking the girls to my mother's and cooking them a homemade breakfast.  then they went to a movie and vegged a bit.  the girls had decided they didn't want to be all dressed for dinner.  for me...this was the fuN part of prom.  going to dinner with your date all fancied up!  though they decided to eat then get dressed for the dance.  i made arrangements with trev so i could get some pictures of his big day.  i got some cute photos of all of them before the dance.  they all looked so handsome and beautiful!!  they went to the dance and had a blast.  the only thing i think they didn't like...mom being there.  though i tried not to make it noticeable but, we live in a small town and it was in the high school gym.  all in all i think trevor had a great time.  it was his first time being let go to drive all by his self and be responsible for 3 others.  i am so proud of him!  i can't believe my little guy is all grown up.

tom and i had a blast with austin and his date cassie.  we picked her up and went bowling for a few hours.  it was such a great experience for me.  not only to share this day with austin but to see his date taking care of him.  every time it was austin's turn to bowl cassie would take him up to his lane, direct him to where to roll the ball and stand by his side until it was done.  what a true testament to me that there are and will be people out there willing to guide austin in the right direction!  then we took her home so she could get all prettied up.  we picked her up and watched the two of them exchange their flowers {with their mother's help of course}.  then all six of us headed to dinner.  that's right all six of us!  both of these kiddos parents had the privilege to share in this night with them.  we all ate dinner at eva's {our local mexican food restaurant} and enjoyed each other's company.  it was so sweet when we were finished i had austin pay for every one's meal.  what a true gentleman he is.  then we headed to the dance.  oh what a cute sight that was.  it was a masquerade ball themed prom,  so they had a promenade to introduce each couple.  soooo, soooo, cute!  they did their pictures which i can't wait to see.  not the normal pose from back in the day from my prom.  tom and i enjoyed watching these two dance the evening away.  we took cassie home before the clock struck midnight and headed home ourselves.  what a wonderful time was had by all.

i am so honored to be these two amaZing boys' mom!  i am blessed that i get to share in these important times in their lives.  they are now two boys who have become young men.  this world is a better place because of them.  if you have the chance to meet them or know them...YOU are the privileged one. 

i love you boys and i am so proud of you!!