why is it that when we hear of good things happening to others we are so excited? we smile and cheer for them, their good fortune or maybe their accomplishment.

now think of your own...

when you accomplish something how do you feel?

when happiness comes your way?

when you get good news?

is it hard for you to pat yourself on the back?

is it hard for you to take that compliment?

why is this???

do we feel like we are less than others?

do YOU feel like you are less than others?

i know for me i have done this. i feel like i don't deserve it. i don't deserve the happiness that comes from the accomplishment or compliments. i have to fight to allow myself the same kind of cheer as i give others.

i am one who struggles with deserving it. in my many years i have been told i wasn't good enough, pretty enough, smart enough and the list goes on. with many years of this a person begins to believe this.

now that i have clean out my "c" house. i am learning to start again. live again. believe again. it just doesn't come easy. i think it will take years to repair some of the damage my "c" house has done to me. i just have to remember that i do deserve it.

i deserve fuN.

i deserve happiness.

i deserve love.

i deserve friends.

i deserve dreams.

i deserve it all!!

share the joys of others and share in your own as well.

"for it is surely a lifetime work, this learning to be a women."

~may sarton

happy 13th birthday baby girl!!

i can not believe my baby girl is a teenager today!! where did the time go? i promised her i would take her to lunch today so this entry will be quick. please eNjoy the slide show i made of her 12 years. happy birthday bug-a-boo, mommy loves you!!

first snow fall!

this morning as i woke at 6:30 it was 24 degrees outside. we received our first snow fall!! a total of 4" of this white, fluffy snow was on the ground. pretty sure there was more but it wasn't cold enough to stay. we knew we would have a little dusting but having 4" was so beautiful to wake up to. the kiddos were just glad to have our power back on. we lost power at 10:15pm and finally at 1:43am we had heat!! i had two kiddos in my room for the night. what a treat for me! i love knowing that even though my kids are teenagers they still need their mom! have a beautiful day everyone! much love

i have been trying to finish this brave girls camp blog for a few days now. i have 3 different drafts and posted none of them. i am just so overwhelmed, that i can't seem to really put this amaZing event into the right words. i thought i would just share some pictures of this truly inspiring, life-changing event.

on one of our morning walk/runs. what a peaceful time to ponder.

my heart is full.

my life has been changed.

my kids have their mom back.

i am laughing more.

i ponder a lot.

i say "thanK yOu".

i am {serious-ly} brave!

i will always remember...

the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

~lao tzu

i know that for me, brave girls camp was a chance to start again. a choice to begin my life and endure it well. thank you melody, kathy, marq, staff. and all the first brave girls. mY life will never be the same! i made lifelong friends that have touched my heart and soul forever!!

if you would like more information on brave girls camp click {here}

brave girls camp...

as i try to explain brave girls camp you will have to bear with me. this life-changing event was just that! LIFE-CHANGING!!! it stirred up all sorts of emotions for me...fear, happiness, forgiveness, sadness, friendship,strength, peace and the list can go on.

the day i read about brave girls camp i cried. i cried because i laid here on my bed saying i need this. then it was...i can't afford this. my head was hurting, my heart was full and i went back and forth on my decision of going. i think most of us could relate..."i don't deserve it". i have kids, work, busyness how can i go away for just mE? as i e-mailed kathy and said, i want to go but don't know...she said "YOU need to, it will be ok". i thought to myself...this women doesn't even know me. she doesn't know everything going on in my life right now, how does she know what's best for me. well ladies...she does! i figured out a way to make this brave girls camp a part of my christmas present and i went.

so i signed up and kathy called and we took care of all the details. i looked for plane tickets to boise and i was set. so i thought. then the guilt set in, the fear of going and not knowing anyone. i was gonna have to fly a day early cause we needed to be there at 10 am and there were no flights that early. oh no, now i have to pay for a hotel for a night and a taxi to get me to eagle. what on earth was i thinking?!

as it grew near to the event we were sent a questionnaire on getting to know us. these questionnaire/bios were posted on a private board so we could get to know each other a bit before we were taken to a secret place in the woods. here i started reading about all the other women attending. here i found other women, just like ME! here i started saying i NEED to go. here is where my journey began...

i needed a place to stay that first night before the retreat. kathy posted girls wanting to share a room, taxi and one that offered her home. i, connie stepped out of my box and emailed a gal named christi. i said i would be coming in on tuesday and needed a place to stay. she not only offered her home but came and picked me up at the airport. she is one BRAVE girl. she stopped so i could get something to eat {as i had travel all day}, we chatted to get to know each other better until 1 am and then i slept on the most comfiest couch ever! the next morning we were so excited {i think she was way more than i was} we went and got our jamba juice {never had one before} and off to the hotel.

at the hotel we were greeted by marq, melody's wonderful husband, a group of ladies and a shuttle bus. we were then given these gorgeous bags, {handmade of course} our name badges and off into the shuttle we went.

first stop we made on our drive was to a lookout point. as we were told they made a new road so we couldn't see the rock they wanted us to. we did get to take some photos and i remember so clearly saying "man, i feel like i am at home. it's always windy like this in snowflake".

we continued on our very fast, windy road up the mountain to our destination. right before we turned onto our road we stopped. we were greeted by melody. what an amaZing woman inside and out!

we were told to take out our bird seeds. it had this little note on it and inside it said "worries are for the birds". we tossed the seed into the air and left our worries behind! we were no longer allowed to think of our kids, pets, bill, work, families, and anything else weighing heavy on us. so back in the shuttle we went to our final destination.

i think i am going to continue this later. my heart is pounding and i am full of all the emotions again and need to take a time out!

bRavE giRls CaMp

i am finding it very difficult to put this amaZing experience in to words.

i think it is gonna take a few days to really sink in.

for me to truly express with all of you this life changing event.

i hope to write more soon as this "brave girls camp" was a blessing in my life!!

i am able now to search for the "peace" i need to make my life complete and full.

i deserve all that this life has to offer!!

i am braver than i think i am!!

dear connie, YOU will fly again and this time...you will SOAR!!

can't sleep...

i find myself surfing the web at 1:30 am and watching the food network channel. now i am hungry and filled with emotions, lol!! i feel like i have not truly blogged in forever. that i have put everything else first and myself second, or third...ok LAST!! as i was surfing i saw a post on melody's facebook and went directly to the link. it was a blog...i read so many and now another. i seem to not have time to post on any as i want to read them all and not leave anyone out. not like you would know, but i do, lol!! anywho the blog i read belongs to jeanne. someone i have never met but will. as i read her blog {a bushel and a peck} it seriously made me cry. the music was just perfect!! i would have to ditto the words she wrote so wonderfully. my only trouble is...gUiLt!! i have it every time i feel i want/need to take time for me. with all of our hectic-ness in our lives we always seem to put ourselves last. why is this? as jeanne states "what are we teaching our children"? i don't want them to grow up to think that they are not important and that their time to meditate, breathe, relax, read...whatever their personal time is, is NOT important. the famous saying "if momma ain't happy, then no one is happy" is true, isn't it ladies? i know that in my life {like many others} is crazy, busy, stressful, tough, trials, full of laughter and tears and constantly of go-go-go moments!! we need to sit, be still and find US!! find mE! that is what i will be doing this week {i hope}. i am attending the first annual BRAVE GIRLS CAMP. i am hoping to come back brave, uplifted, happy, stronger and ready to concur the world and my fears. as i try and sleep tonight with LOADS on my mind and a "to-do list" like a mile long i hope i remember that i DESERVE this. that i NEED this. that i am WORTH this. that i am BRAVE. that i am woman and it's time to SOAR!!! nite all. much love and happiness to you as you embrace monday. {{hugs}}

ps. thanks jeanne for the reminder. ;)

who has time to blog???

i know it has been F-O-E-V-E-R since i blogged last but life has been truly craZy! so much has happened and so little time to tell you all. i thought i would take a quick moment to write. not sure what all may come to light today but, i will try. i sit here thinking of the long list of things to do {this being one of them} and can't seem to take a few minutes to try and blog. my head is still on "to do list" and i can't seem to get out of it. this may be all that i say today...

it's a good day...

god didn't promise days without pain,
laughter without sorrow,
or sun without rain,
but
he did promise STRENGTH for the day,
COMFORT for the tears
and LIGHT for the way.
if god brings you to it, he will bring you through it.

have a wonderful day my friends! make today a good one as you never know if it might be your last. love to you all! oh and big {{{hugs}}} too.

thank you for being a friend!

have you ever taken a second {from your crazy life} and thought about the people in your life. not just your kiddos, family and extended family but the people. how did you meet them? when did you meet? what do you have in common? are you still in touch with them? what do you gain from knowing them? what have you learned through them?


well today one of my friends is having a lumpectomy. she has learned she has breast cancer {yes, another one with cancer}. i stopped for a bit to think of her today. her husband, her kids, her family. sending good vibes to them all, that things will go well.

so as i thought of the many people in my life i had to blog. i am truly BLESSED! i can say i have friends from elementary school, can you? there are even friends that i have lost touched with but, know if i needed them...they would be there. i even have friends that i have never met. friends through this funny thing called "blogging", lol.

all these many people i have met have touched my life in one form or another. i have learned so much from them. some are there to comfort me, others to make me laugh. there are those that stretched their arms out to tell me to stay strong or things will be alright. many have made me cry. oh but the good kinda cry. lots of laughter...it is the best medicine you know. some have hurt my feelings as i know i have hurt theirs too. to love and be loved as well. i have shared some really special moments with these friends as they have had struggles too. a father who passed away from cancer, a child with special needs, a divorce, abandonment issues, family trials, a death of a sister, a loss of a child and my list could go on.

we all have a story. not sure if you read that.
WE ALL HAVE A STORY!!
we all have trials but, allowing ourselves to share in these special times with our friends is a gift.

people will continue to come in and out of my life but, by doing so have left precious footprints on my heaRt. no matter where you are, near or far, YOU are a gift to me. you never really know why they came into your life but, i tell you one thing... i don't want them to leave. so "thank you" to all of my friends. as our paths have crossed for one reason or another or we have not met yet..."thank you". i hope you know that no matter what, "you CAN always count on me...cause that's what friends are for".

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage".
~lao tzu