brave girls camp...

as i try to explain brave girls camp you will have to bear with me. this life-changing event was just that! LIFE-CHANGING!!! it stirred up all sorts of emotions for me...fear, happiness, forgiveness, sadness, friendship,strength, peace and the list can go on.

the day i read about brave girls camp i cried. i cried because i laid here on my bed saying i need this. then it was...i can't afford this. my head was hurting, my heart was full and i went back and forth on my decision of going. i think most of us could relate..."i don't deserve it". i have kids, work, busyness how can i go away for just mE? as i e-mailed kathy and said, i want to go but don't know...she said "YOU need to, it will be ok". i thought to myself...this women doesn't even know me. she doesn't know everything going on in my life right now, how does she know what's best for me. well ladies...she does! i figured out a way to make this brave girls camp a part of my christmas present and i went.

so i signed up and kathy called and we took care of all the details. i looked for plane tickets to boise and i was set. so i thought. then the guilt set in, the fear of going and not knowing anyone. i was gonna have to fly a day early cause we needed to be there at 10 am and there were no flights that early. oh no, now i have to pay for a hotel for a night and a taxi to get me to eagle. what on earth was i thinking?!

as it grew near to the event we were sent a questionnaire on getting to know us. these questionnaire/bios were posted on a private board so we could get to know each other a bit before we were taken to a secret place in the woods. here i started reading about all the other women attending. here i found other women, just like ME! here i started saying i NEED to go. here is where my journey began...

i needed a place to stay that first night before the retreat. kathy posted girls wanting to share a room, taxi and one that offered her home. i, connie stepped out of my box and emailed a gal named christi. i said i would be coming in on tuesday and needed a place to stay. she not only offered her home but came and picked me up at the airport. she is one BRAVE girl. she stopped so i could get something to eat {as i had travel all day}, we chatted to get to know each other better until 1 am and then i slept on the most comfiest couch ever! the next morning we were so excited {i think she was way more than i was} we went and got our jamba juice {never had one before} and off to the hotel.

at the hotel we were greeted by marq, melody's wonderful husband, a group of ladies and a shuttle bus. we were then given these gorgeous bags, {handmade of course} our name badges and off into the shuttle we went.

first stop we made on our drive was to a lookout point. as we were told they made a new road so we couldn't see the rock they wanted us to. we did get to take some photos and i remember so clearly saying "man, i feel like i am at home. it's always windy like this in snowflake".

we continued on our very fast, windy road up the mountain to our destination. right before we turned onto our road we stopped. we were greeted by melody. what an amaZing woman inside and out!

we were told to take out our bird seeds. it had this little note on it and inside it said "worries are for the birds". we tossed the seed into the air and left our worries behind! we were no longer allowed to think of our kids, pets, bill, work, families, and anything else weighing heavy on us. so back in the shuttle we went to our final destination.

i think i am going to continue this later. my heart is pounding and i am full of all the emotions again and need to take a time out!

bRavE giRls CaMp

i am finding it very difficult to put this amaZing experience in to words.

i think it is gonna take a few days to really sink in.

for me to truly express with all of you this life changing event.

i hope to write more soon as this "brave girls camp" was a blessing in my life!!

i am able now to search for the "peace" i need to make my life complete and full.

i deserve all that this life has to offer!!

i am braver than i think i am!!

dear connie, YOU will fly again and this time...you will SOAR!!

can't sleep...

i find myself surfing the web at 1:30 am and watching the food network channel. now i am hungry and filled with emotions, lol!! i feel like i have not truly blogged in forever. that i have put everything else first and myself second, or third...ok LAST!! as i was surfing i saw a post on melody's facebook and went directly to the link. it was a blog...i read so many and now another. i seem to not have time to post on any as i want to read them all and not leave anyone out. not like you would know, but i do, lol!! anywho the blog i read belongs to jeanne. someone i have never met but will. as i read her blog {a bushel and a peck} it seriously made me cry. the music was just perfect!! i would have to ditto the words she wrote so wonderfully. my only trouble is...gUiLt!! i have it every time i feel i want/need to take time for me. with all of our hectic-ness in our lives we always seem to put ourselves last. why is this? as jeanne states "what are we teaching our children"? i don't want them to grow up to think that they are not important and that their time to meditate, breathe, relax, read...whatever their personal time is, is NOT important. the famous saying "if momma ain't happy, then no one is happy" is true, isn't it ladies? i know that in my life {like many others} is crazy, busy, stressful, tough, trials, full of laughter and tears and constantly of go-go-go moments!! we need to sit, be still and find US!! find mE! that is what i will be doing this week {i hope}. i am attending the first annual BRAVE GIRLS CAMP. i am hoping to come back brave, uplifted, happy, stronger and ready to concur the world and my fears. as i try and sleep tonight with LOADS on my mind and a "to-do list" like a mile long i hope i remember that i DESERVE this. that i NEED this. that i am WORTH this. that i am BRAVE. that i am woman and it's time to SOAR!!! nite all. much love and happiness to you as you embrace monday. {{hugs}}

ps. thanks jeanne for the reminder. ;)

who has time to blog???

i know it has been F-O-E-V-E-R since i blogged last but life has been truly craZy! so much has happened and so little time to tell you all. i thought i would take a quick moment to write. not sure what all may come to light today but, i will try. i sit here thinking of the long list of things to do {this being one of them} and can't seem to take a few minutes to try and blog. my head is still on "to do list" and i can't seem to get out of it. this may be all that i say today...

it's a good day...

god didn't promise days without pain,
laughter without sorrow,
or sun without rain,
but
he did promise STRENGTH for the day,
COMFORT for the tears
and LIGHT for the way.
if god brings you to it, he will bring you through it.

have a wonderful day my friends! make today a good one as you never know if it might be your last. love to you all! oh and big {{{hugs}}} too.

thank you for being a friend!

have you ever taken a second {from your crazy life} and thought about the people in your life. not just your kiddos, family and extended family but the people. how did you meet them? when did you meet? what do you have in common? are you still in touch with them? what do you gain from knowing them? what have you learned through them?


well today one of my friends is having a lumpectomy. she has learned she has breast cancer {yes, another one with cancer}. i stopped for a bit to think of her today. her husband, her kids, her family. sending good vibes to them all, that things will go well.

so as i thought of the many people in my life i had to blog. i am truly BLESSED! i can say i have friends from elementary school, can you? there are even friends that i have lost touched with but, know if i needed them...they would be there. i even have friends that i have never met. friends through this funny thing called "blogging", lol.

all these many people i have met have touched my life in one form or another. i have learned so much from them. some are there to comfort me, others to make me laugh. there are those that stretched their arms out to tell me to stay strong or things will be alright. many have made me cry. oh but the good kinda cry. lots of laughter...it is the best medicine you know. some have hurt my feelings as i know i have hurt theirs too. to love and be loved as well. i have shared some really special moments with these friends as they have had struggles too. a father who passed away from cancer, a child with special needs, a divorce, abandonment issues, family trials, a death of a sister, a loss of a child and my list could go on.

we all have a story. not sure if you read that.
WE ALL HAVE A STORY!!
we all have trials but, allowing ourselves to share in these special times with our friends is a gift.

people will continue to come in and out of my life but, by doing so have left precious footprints on my heaRt. no matter where you are, near or far, YOU are a gift to me. you never really know why they came into your life but, i tell you one thing... i don't want them to leave. so "thank you" to all of my friends. as our paths have crossed for one reason or another or we have not met yet..."thank you". i hope you know that no matter what, "you CAN always count on me...cause that's what friends are for".

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage".
~lao tzu

{i love you}

as i came home from {creative escape} totally exhausted yet inspired, i had to share a quick note. this years ce was filled with passion, strength, friendship, inspiration, charity, humility and lOvE. as tradition, ce always end with a wonderful dinner {where we eat dessert first!!}, prizes, raffles, silent auction and closing speaker, again i was truly amaZed! creative escape attendants, volunteers, teachers and staff raised $50,000 for the leukemia and lymphoma society. as i sat there silently with tears streaming down my face, i looked at my camera. the first pictures on my camera were pictures of my aunt cindy in the hospital. my most precious picture is of me in bed with her. i then turned to the thought of my uncle matt {who was born 10 years later on aunt cindy's birthday}. these two members of mY family are the two i spoke of in a previous blog who have been diagnosed with cancer. one a rare form of stomach and the other throat. i realized how lucky i am to be touched by their sweet spirits. how lucky i am to have many fond memories with them. how lucky i am that they are strong people who know how precious life is. how lucky i am to love them! i just wanted to let them know they are always in my thoughts and forever in my prayers. i love you aunt cindy & uncle matt!! thank you for sharing your love and life with me. i am truly blessed and the luCky one. {{hugs}}

{sleep}

i find myself wide awake at 1 am {now 1:30}. tomorrow is a busy day and i know how important a good nights rest is. i need to find some way to unwind in the evening. i need to try and go to bed earlier as i still get up at 6 am no matter what time the eyes close. then it's trying to STAY asleep... anyone out there struggle with this?

i have so many thoughts going through my mind right now that i wish to blog. i just don't think i would get it all out right even if i tried. listening to my blog music is relaxing...though i have shed a few tears, i must find time to sleep. close my thoughts, shut my mind off...clear it!

ok, a quick quote....

bebrilliant.
do more than exist,
LIVE.
do more than touch,
FEEL.
do more than look,
OBSERVE.
do more than read,
ABSORB.
do more than hear,
LISTEN.
do more than listen,
UNDERSTAND.
do more than think,
PONDER.
do more than talk,
SAY SOMETHING.

~john h. rhoades

night all...i hope. {{hugs}}

{SERIOUSLY}

as i struggle to blog today i am so mixed with emotions. i just got off the phone with my mother and she told me some not so good news. my uncle matt was just diagnosed with throat cancer. c'mon...i don't get it. what is going on? in 2003 my mom developed some sort of neurological disorder that has made her disabled. 2005 we lost my aunt cathy with heart problems. the beginning of this year my aunt was diagnosed with a rare form of esophagus/stomach cancer. as of today she has had chemo, radiation and her stomach completely removed. now today, my uncle matt. oh and that's not all, my brother is off to iraq at the end of the month. all of these relatives are on my mom's side.

seriously, SERIOUSLY?! i can't even begin to think of words to say. i know i need to stay positive, i know i need to for my mom but...C'MON!! i want to cry, yell, scream, be angry and so much more. i don't know what to do, i don't know what to say. i just have that burning question...WHY?

i know right now i need strength. i know i need to stay positive. i know my family needs positive thoughts and loads of prayers.

i just want it all to go away...

cherish every day...

just received this email from my friend stacie and had to share it. i hope we all remember how this life is a gift, a true blessing. may we live each day as if it were our last and eNjoy it!! hugs

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone.. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion, Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone and everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give it time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.