joY, haha yeah right!

 today...

if you know me you know i LOOOOOVE my hair appointments.  today i had one at 11:30 and i had to cancel it.  i woke up shaking, uneasy feeling in my tummy and just didn't feel right.  i had no idea what was going on and why i couldn't just get ready and go!  after i texted my wonderful stylist and cancelled she stated "i wondered if coming in today would be hard".  guess she knew better than me that it would be.  through this i have asked my mom and some family members about anxiety and what it is and feels like.  well, today...i know. 

i also had an appointment today at 3:30 and it seriously took me ALL DAY to get ready for it.  i left the doctor feeling more anxious as now i have to take 3 medications, one can cause serious headaches if used too much and the other can cause another infection...REALLY!  is this my life?  i feel since i did whole 30 back in september my entire body has gone through some sort of shock.  if it wasn't a bv, it was a yeast infection, then having issues with my eyes, then and then.... now this!  all from trying to detox and get healthy?!

this is my last year of the 40's and i feel my body has taken a huge hit the last few years.  i feel i am falling apart.  i have said to my husband that too bad you can't have the lemon law for your wife cause you would be trading me in for sure!  i know getting older isn't easy.  i know it's a part of life.  i know i have may of things i am still trying to work out.  i am just wondering why now?  why couldn't it be a gradual thing.  i mean i seriously love aging.  i don't mind it at all.  i just don't remember signing up for all of this.

today i woke up wanting to write about joY.  boy how that all changed. i still haven't found my mojo with writing.  all i know is i have missed it, truly missed it.  i use to write poetry way back in the day.  i always wanted to publish a book too.  maybe someday i guess.  i have only been saying that for over 30+ years.

joY:  hmmm, today i found joY in spending the evening with my husband and really talking.  no matter what, i can always count on him for some of my joY.  

goodnight.

{hugs}

connie