sticks & stones...

**special warning**

before you read this please forgive me if i may hurt anyones feelings.  that is not my intention at all!  i write these words to let others know how harmful it is when you say bad things to others.  as we teach others, our children and ourselves please remember names DO hurt as well as sticks and stones.  if you choose not to read any further, i totally understand.  it's not like i would know anyways.  i just feel this is what i really need to get off my mind today.

"sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me."

i often wondered why it is that someone has to put someone else down to feel good about themselves. why they have to lash out, say bad names and curse.

is this to make them feel better?

is it so they can feel powerful?

is it because they know how the other person will feel?

is it to make a point?

i'm not sure at all why one would do this. all i know is when it happens to me, i have to remember...

 what someone else says or thinks of me is none of MY business.

what they feel they need to do is only to make them feel good.

it's sad, it truly is.

you know bones heal, but names haunt you. they make you doubt yourself, wonder what you may have done to deserve the name calling, it makes you wonder the truthfulness of the calling.

i know that i am only accountable for me. that it is also my job to TEACH my children how hurtful this is. to teach them that it's NOT nice to call names, make fun of others or pick fights. it's truly sad when all of this comes from adults and they feel the need to put others down.

shame on YOU!!

what a poor excuse of an example you are. may you NEVER have someone knock you down or your children.  as that would be the true sadness.

words DO hurt people!

happy birthday austin!!

i can't believe my baby boy is 19 tOdaY!! where did all those years go? haPpY biRthdaY austin joe!! i love you with all my heart. thAnK yOu for all the joy you bring into my life and showing me the beauty of it through your eyes. my life has been blessed to have you as my son. i am honored and privileged that GOD allowed me to be your mother. on the day you were brought here to earth, you choose mE! thank you for being the lovable, special son that you are. love, mom

why is it that when we hear of good things happening to others we are so excited? we smile and cheer for them, their good fortune or maybe their accomplishment.

now think of your own...

when you accomplish something how do you feel?

when happiness comes your way?

when you get good news?

is it hard for you to pat yourself on the back?

is it hard for you to take that compliment?

why is this???

do we feel like we are less than others?

do YOU feel like you are less than others?

i know for me i have done this. i feel like i don't deserve it. i don't deserve the happiness that comes from the accomplishment or compliments. i have to fight to allow myself the same kind of cheer as i give others.

i am one who struggles with deserving it. in my many years i have been told i wasn't good enough, pretty enough, smart enough and the list goes on. with many years of this a person begins to believe this.

now that i have clean out my "c" house. i am learning to start again. live again. believe again. it just doesn't come easy. i think it will take years to repair some of the damage my "c" house has done to me. i just have to remember that i do deserve it.

i deserve fuN.

i deserve happiness.

i deserve love.

i deserve friends.

i deserve dreams.

i deserve it all!!

share the joys of others and share in your own as well.

"for it is surely a lifetime work, this learning to be a women."

~may sarton

happy 13th birthday baby girl!!

i can not believe my baby girl is a teenager today!! where did the time go? i promised her i would take her to lunch today so this entry will be quick. please eNjoy the slide show i made of her 12 years. happy birthday bug-a-boo, mommy loves you!!

first snow fall!

this morning as i woke at 6:30 it was 24 degrees outside. we received our first snow fall!! a total of 4" of this white, fluffy snow was on the ground. pretty sure there was more but it wasn't cold enough to stay. we knew we would have a little dusting but having 4" was so beautiful to wake up to. the kiddos were just glad to have our power back on. we lost power at 10:15pm and finally at 1:43am we had heat!! i had two kiddos in my room for the night. what a treat for me! i love knowing that even though my kids are teenagers they still need their mom! have a beautiful day everyone! much love

i have been trying to finish this brave girls camp blog for a few days now. i have 3 different drafts and posted none of them. i am just so overwhelmed, that i can't seem to really put this amaZing event into the right words. i thought i would just share some pictures of this truly inspiring, life-changing event.

on one of our morning walk/runs. what a peaceful time to ponder.

my heart is full.

my life has been changed.

my kids have their mom back.

i am laughing more.

i ponder a lot.

i say "thanK yOu".

i am {serious-ly} brave!

i will always remember...

the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

~lao tzu

i know that for me, brave girls camp was a chance to start again. a choice to begin my life and endure it well. thank you melody, kathy, marq, staff. and all the first brave girls. mY life will never be the same! i made lifelong friends that have touched my heart and soul forever!!

if you would like more information on brave girls camp click {here}

brave girls camp...

as i try to explain brave girls camp you will have to bear with me. this life-changing event was just that! LIFE-CHANGING!!! it stirred up all sorts of emotions for me...fear, happiness, forgiveness, sadness, friendship,strength, peace and the list can go on.

the day i read about brave girls camp i cried. i cried because i laid here on my bed saying i need this. then it was...i can't afford this. my head was hurting, my heart was full and i went back and forth on my decision of going. i think most of us could relate..."i don't deserve it". i have kids, work, busyness how can i go away for just mE? as i e-mailed kathy and said, i want to go but don't know...she said "YOU need to, it will be ok". i thought to myself...this women doesn't even know me. she doesn't know everything going on in my life right now, how does she know what's best for me. well ladies...she does! i figured out a way to make this brave girls camp a part of my christmas present and i went.

so i signed up and kathy called and we took care of all the details. i looked for plane tickets to boise and i was set. so i thought. then the guilt set in, the fear of going and not knowing anyone. i was gonna have to fly a day early cause we needed to be there at 10 am and there were no flights that early. oh no, now i have to pay for a hotel for a night and a taxi to get me to eagle. what on earth was i thinking?!

as it grew near to the event we were sent a questionnaire on getting to know us. these questionnaire/bios were posted on a private board so we could get to know each other a bit before we were taken to a secret place in the woods. here i started reading about all the other women attending. here i found other women, just like ME! here i started saying i NEED to go. here is where my journey began...

i needed a place to stay that first night before the retreat. kathy posted girls wanting to share a room, taxi and one that offered her home. i, connie stepped out of my box and emailed a gal named christi. i said i would be coming in on tuesday and needed a place to stay. she not only offered her home but came and picked me up at the airport. she is one BRAVE girl. she stopped so i could get something to eat {as i had travel all day}, we chatted to get to know each other better until 1 am and then i slept on the most comfiest couch ever! the next morning we were so excited {i think she was way more than i was} we went and got our jamba juice {never had one before} and off to the hotel.

at the hotel we were greeted by marq, melody's wonderful husband, a group of ladies and a shuttle bus. we were then given these gorgeous bags, {handmade of course} our name badges and off into the shuttle we went.

first stop we made on our drive was to a lookout point. as we were told they made a new road so we couldn't see the rock they wanted us to. we did get to take some photos and i remember so clearly saying "man, i feel like i am at home. it's always windy like this in snowflake".

we continued on our very fast, windy road up the mountain to our destination. right before we turned onto our road we stopped. we were greeted by melody. what an amaZing woman inside and out!

we were told to take out our bird seeds. it had this little note on it and inside it said "worries are for the birds". we tossed the seed into the air and left our worries behind! we were no longer allowed to think of our kids, pets, bill, work, families, and anything else weighing heavy on us. so back in the shuttle we went to our final destination.

i think i am going to continue this later. my heart is pounding and i am full of all the emotions again and need to take a time out!

bRavE giRls CaMp

i am finding it very difficult to put this amaZing experience in to words.

i think it is gonna take a few days to really sink in.

for me to truly express with all of you this life changing event.

i hope to write more soon as this "brave girls camp" was a blessing in my life!!

i am able now to search for the "peace" i need to make my life complete and full.

i deserve all that this life has to offer!!

i am braver than i think i am!!

dear connie, YOU will fly again and this time...you will SOAR!!

can't sleep...

i find myself surfing the web at 1:30 am and watching the food network channel. now i am hungry and filled with emotions, lol!! i feel like i have not truly blogged in forever. that i have put everything else first and myself second, or third...ok LAST!! as i was surfing i saw a post on melody's facebook and went directly to the link. it was a blog...i read so many and now another. i seem to not have time to post on any as i want to read them all and not leave anyone out. not like you would know, but i do, lol!! anywho the blog i read belongs to jeanne. someone i have never met but will. as i read her blog {a bushel and a peck} it seriously made me cry. the music was just perfect!! i would have to ditto the words she wrote so wonderfully. my only trouble is...gUiLt!! i have it every time i feel i want/need to take time for me. with all of our hectic-ness in our lives we always seem to put ourselves last. why is this? as jeanne states "what are we teaching our children"? i don't want them to grow up to think that they are not important and that their time to meditate, breathe, relax, read...whatever their personal time is, is NOT important. the famous saying "if momma ain't happy, then no one is happy" is true, isn't it ladies? i know that in my life {like many others} is crazy, busy, stressful, tough, trials, full of laughter and tears and constantly of go-go-go moments!! we need to sit, be still and find US!! find mE! that is what i will be doing this week {i hope}. i am attending the first annual BRAVE GIRLS CAMP. i am hoping to come back brave, uplifted, happy, stronger and ready to concur the world and my fears. as i try and sleep tonight with LOADS on my mind and a "to-do list" like a mile long i hope i remember that i DESERVE this. that i NEED this. that i am WORTH this. that i am BRAVE. that i am woman and it's time to SOAR!!! nite all. much love and happiness to you as you embrace monday. {{hugs}}

ps. thanks jeanne for the reminder. ;)

who has time to blog???

i know it has been F-O-E-V-E-R since i blogged last but life has been truly craZy! so much has happened and so little time to tell you all. i thought i would take a quick moment to write. not sure what all may come to light today but, i will try. i sit here thinking of the long list of things to do {this being one of them} and can't seem to take a few minutes to try and blog. my head is still on "to do list" and i can't seem to get out of it. this may be all that i say today...

it's a good day...

god didn't promise days without pain,
laughter without sorrow,
or sun without rain,
but
he did promise STRENGTH for the day,
COMFORT for the tears
and LIGHT for the way.
if god brings you to it, he will bring you through it.

have a wonderful day my friends! make today a good one as you never know if it might be your last. love to you all! oh and big {{{hugs}}} too.

thank you for being a friend!

have you ever taken a second {from your crazy life} and thought about the people in your life. not just your kiddos, family and extended family but the people. how did you meet them? when did you meet? what do you have in common? are you still in touch with them? what do you gain from knowing them? what have you learned through them?


well today one of my friends is having a lumpectomy. she has learned she has breast cancer {yes, another one with cancer}. i stopped for a bit to think of her today. her husband, her kids, her family. sending good vibes to them all, that things will go well.

so as i thought of the many people in my life i had to blog. i am truly BLESSED! i can say i have friends from elementary school, can you? there are even friends that i have lost touched with but, know if i needed them...they would be there. i even have friends that i have never met. friends through this funny thing called "blogging", lol.

all these many people i have met have touched my life in one form or another. i have learned so much from them. some are there to comfort me, others to make me laugh. there are those that stretched their arms out to tell me to stay strong or things will be alright. many have made me cry. oh but the good kinda cry. lots of laughter...it is the best medicine you know. some have hurt my feelings as i know i have hurt theirs too. to love and be loved as well. i have shared some really special moments with these friends as they have had struggles too. a father who passed away from cancer, a child with special needs, a divorce, abandonment issues, family trials, a death of a sister, a loss of a child and my list could go on.

we all have a story. not sure if you read that.
WE ALL HAVE A STORY!!
we all have trials but, allowing ourselves to share in these special times with our friends is a gift.

people will continue to come in and out of my life but, by doing so have left precious footprints on my heaRt. no matter where you are, near or far, YOU are a gift to me. you never really know why they came into your life but, i tell you one thing... i don't want them to leave. so "thank you" to all of my friends. as our paths have crossed for one reason or another or we have not met yet..."thank you". i hope you know that no matter what, "you CAN always count on me...cause that's what friends are for".

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage".
~lao tzu

{i love you}

as i came home from {creative escape} totally exhausted yet inspired, i had to share a quick note. this years ce was filled with passion, strength, friendship, inspiration, charity, humility and lOvE. as tradition, ce always end with a wonderful dinner {where we eat dessert first!!}, prizes, raffles, silent auction and closing speaker, again i was truly amaZed! creative escape attendants, volunteers, teachers and staff raised $50,000 for the leukemia and lymphoma society. as i sat there silently with tears streaming down my face, i looked at my camera. the first pictures on my camera were pictures of my aunt cindy in the hospital. my most precious picture is of me in bed with her. i then turned to the thought of my uncle matt {who was born 10 years later on aunt cindy's birthday}. these two members of mY family are the two i spoke of in a previous blog who have been diagnosed with cancer. one a rare form of stomach and the other throat. i realized how lucky i am to be touched by their sweet spirits. how lucky i am to have many fond memories with them. how lucky i am that they are strong people who know how precious life is. how lucky i am to love them! i just wanted to let them know they are always in my thoughts and forever in my prayers. i love you aunt cindy & uncle matt!! thank you for sharing your love and life with me. i am truly blessed and the luCky one. {{hugs}}

{sleep}

i find myself wide awake at 1 am {now 1:30}. tomorrow is a busy day and i know how important a good nights rest is. i need to find some way to unwind in the evening. i need to try and go to bed earlier as i still get up at 6 am no matter what time the eyes close. then it's trying to STAY asleep... anyone out there struggle with this?

i have so many thoughts going through my mind right now that i wish to blog. i just don't think i would get it all out right even if i tried. listening to my blog music is relaxing...though i have shed a few tears, i must find time to sleep. close my thoughts, shut my mind off...clear it!

ok, a quick quote....

bebrilliant.
do more than exist,
LIVE.
do more than touch,
FEEL.
do more than look,
OBSERVE.
do more than read,
ABSORB.
do more than hear,
LISTEN.
do more than listen,
UNDERSTAND.
do more than think,
PONDER.
do more than talk,
SAY SOMETHING.

~john h. rhoades

night all...i hope. {{hugs}}

{SERIOUSLY}

as i struggle to blog today i am so mixed with emotions. i just got off the phone with my mother and she told me some not so good news. my uncle matt was just diagnosed with throat cancer. c'mon...i don't get it. what is going on? in 2003 my mom developed some sort of neurological disorder that has made her disabled. 2005 we lost my aunt cathy with heart problems. the beginning of this year my aunt was diagnosed with a rare form of esophagus/stomach cancer. as of today she has had chemo, radiation and her stomach completely removed. now today, my uncle matt. oh and that's not all, my brother is off to iraq at the end of the month. all of these relatives are on my mom's side.

seriously, SERIOUSLY?! i can't even begin to think of words to say. i know i need to stay positive, i know i need to for my mom but...C'MON!! i want to cry, yell, scream, be angry and so much more. i don't know what to do, i don't know what to say. i just have that burning question...WHY?

i know right now i need strength. i know i need to stay positive. i know my family needs positive thoughts and loads of prayers.

i just want it all to go away...

cherish every day...

just received this email from my friend stacie and had to share it. i hope we all remember how this life is a gift, a true blessing. may we live each day as if it were our last and eNjoy it!! hugs

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone.. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion, Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone and everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give it time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

some summer fuN!

my kiddos and i took a little mini vacation. it was just here in arizona but, we made the most of it. we went swimming our first night and had a bbq with friends. the next day we swam at a resort and our final day was at the lake. we loVe water!! here are a few pictures of our fuN!

we had to cut our vacation short because my two middle boys had ball games. they play for our church team and as of right now...they are undefeated! hope to take them for a few more days to have a little more fuN before school starts. which is just around the corner, YIKES!! we have to get school supplies and all our shopping done in a few weeks. i will have 3 high school boys and my baby girl in jr high. WOW, where did the time go?!

you'll want to stop by and check out piggy tales' blog {HERE}. the cha trade show is just around the corner and they came out with some gReaT collections to exhibit!! i so can't wait to get my hands on theses lines and do some scrappin'. if you post on their blog you could have a chance to win the entire summer collection! you can't beat that...just let them know what you think and you're entered. i can't wait to get back to teaching. we had a nice summer break but i always miss mY piggy tales students.

i know this blog was short but, it's all that time allows. gotta get ready to go to another ball game. GO SNOWFLAKE 5TH!! have a terrific thursday. {{hugs}}

thanks dianna!

"Live life fully while you're here.
Experience everything.
Take care of yourself and your friends.
Have fun, be crazy, be weird.
Go out and screw up!
You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process.
Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes:
find the cause of your problem and eliminate it.
Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human."

~Anthony Robbins

while reading my friend dianna's blog i came across this quote. i know she won't mind me bloglifting it. i needed this tonight. i have had off days these last few days and this reminded me that i am human. good or bad...i am NOT PERFECT {nor do i intend to be}! NO ONE on earth is and you know what...that's ok with me.

{spreading the word}

i am so very excited to share this news with you. my very good friend joann has started her own photography business... Just B You Photography. {just click on just b you photography and it will take you right to her site} this is a true dream come true for her. please check out her website and call for an appointment! she is a very talented scrapbooker and an amaZing photographer. i am so blessed to call her my friend! i am so excited that not only does she get to eNjoY her dream job but, i get to eNjoY her love of it as well. congratulations joann!! thanks for sharing your talent. oh and your photo of yourself...BEAUTIFUL just like you!!

i'm jumping on my bed again...{wink, wink}

{haPpY 4th of juLy}

thank you to my brothers jeremy & jr, my sister kelly and the rest of my family members and friends who have served on my behalf. thanks to all of those men and women serving now. most of all...those who have lost their lives defending this great country of ours. those men & women who have served all those years ago who proudly did so. THANK YOU!!! you are remembered and NEVER FORGOTTEN!! i am so proud to be an AMERICAN!!

quick update...

* little league closing day
* being sick
* pasadena for piggy tales
* all stars begin for dallin
* church ball for the boys
* city softball for trevor
* city softball for me
* pallet retainer for haleigh
* sister in law and kiddos visited
* mom's fall/broke her hip
* fund raisers for all stars
* rehab in payson for mom
* first all star game
* dentist appointments for kiddos
* still unpacking and trying to settle in our home
* pay bills/balance checkbooks/clean house
* update blog...

i think i need a vacation from the busyness. is that possible? i am very thankful that i have kids, family and friends to occupy my life...sometimes i just need some mE time. i struggle with keeping it all together sometimes. can anyone relate? ok...enough! i need to step back and breathe. get my priorities straight and start a new day.

brEathiNg...

goodbye my dear friend

i am still in shock as i received the news that a long time friend went home to god. many of you may know him and many may not have had the honor of meeting him. as he is at peace now and with god, may we all remember him and celebrate his life! i know how important his little girl was to him. i was able to do some scrapbooking for them and i am honored and blessed that i was asked. i wanted to share with you one of the pages i did. it reminds me all so well that life is short and to treasure the small stuff. to say "i am sorry", "i forgive you", "i love you", "thank you" and so many other simple words. i want to share with you a poem i wrote many years ago that really hits me now.

THANKS

today someone died.

it might of been a close friend or someone unknown.

you take friends for fun and games

not knowing that one day that friend will be gone.

then you realize how dear it was, the closeness,

the tears, the laughter, and those warm hugs of comfort.

today i want to tell you thank you for everything.

i know how dear your friendship was, i feel the closeness now,

i have those tears and i can still hear the laughter.

i'm sorry i can't feel your comfort anymore.

i'm sorry i waited to tell you thanks.

i'm sorry brad that i didn't tell you thanks! always & forever, poison. period. infinity. the end you will remain in my heart. may you know how much you have touched so many in your short years with us here. you will be missed dearly by all. rest in peace Bradley Paul Jones. we will all leave our footprints on others as you have done on us. your life will live on.

my friend todd sent me a wonderful quote i would love to leave with you.

"being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,

while loving someone deeply gives you courage".

~lao tzu

one craZy month and a half...

it has been f-o-r-e-v-e-r {in my best sandlot voice} since i have posted. it has been so crazy the last month in a half, so much going on. i think i am only going to recap by letting you know what the kiddos and i have been up to... here goes.

• trevor turned 17!!!
• austin's ffa banquet
• my 37th birthday
• birthday trip to mexico
• trevor's end of the year band concert
• dallin track and field finals in payson {he took 2nd in the 800}
• austin's end of the year choir concert
• creative escape training
• first piggy tales show to manchester
• first lobster experience
• haleigh graduated from DARE
• haleigh's track and field day
• dallin starts baseball
• school is out!
• dallin's 8th grade promotion
• breanne's wedding
• went to buffalo to teach for piggy tales

i think that is all. though knowing me...i probably forgot something, lol! life may be really craZy around here but...life couldn't be any better. i eNjoY every craZy moment, every laughter, every hug or tear that comes my way. my liFe, mY kiddos, mY faMiLy and fRieNds...i couldn't be more blessed! :) thaNks to everyone who has touched mY life, welcomed me in or shared a memory. {hugs}

happy birthday to my baby boy Trevor!! 

it's hard to believe you are already 17 years old. 

where have the years gone?

i love you!!

{playing catch up}

i have a lot to catch up on. my life has been crazy busy and i have loved every minute of it! the joys of motherhood.

• spring break: the kids and i eNjoYed a wonderful couple of days at my girlfriend shelly's home in scottsdale. she has a pool and we lOvEd it!! thanks shelly and family.

• on march 13th mY second oldest son, trevor past his test to receive his driving permit. look out world...trevor is on the road. mY kiddos get so tired of mom taking pictures. hey, i am a scrapper and someone has got to document all the memories. love you trev and congrats!

• i am now employed!!! i received a phone call from {piggy tales} a scrapbooking company last week about teaching for them. i am so excited for this new challenge. they are an amaZing company with an amaZing group of people. i am privileged and honored to be a little part of it. you can check out their website {here} and also their {blog}. i was in mesa this weekend to do my training. i sat in on all of the classes to see how things are done. really stinkin' cute classes i must say! if you have a chance to attend any shows you must sign up for one of their classes. i will be teaching at 9 of them. you can check out where i will be on the right side of my blog. thanks piggy tales for this great opportunity. thanks trina for a great day!

more to come...

so tired...

where has the last 4 weeks gone? so much has happened since my last blog entry. it's kinda late and i have so much to fill you in on. i think i might just have to wait until i am not so dang sleepy. so stopping in to say "hi". hope all my blogging friends and lurkers are doing well. wanted to send wishes to dianna, hope "U" are feeling better my friend. *hugs*

YOU deserve it all!!

{pOweR}
in a very
real sense, we are
the authors of our
own lives. ~mandy aftel

how many times have we said to ourselves....what is mY purpose here? why am i here? what is all this for? we were sent here to live life to the fullest! many of us do this but many struggle day to day just to live. this life isn't easy. the roads we take aren't easy. many times we have to just jump on and hang on. many of us have to walk this life alone. it may not be by choice. though if you look deep enough you will see you are never REALLY alone. we truly are authors of our own lives! we get to decide if we wake up in the morning. we have a choice to make our day be a good one or bad. we can decide to smile {even if you don't want to} at a stranger or our enemy. we can choose to have many friends or none. we can choose to love and be loved. we can choose to love ourselves or hate ourselves. have you ever really sat back and took a great big deep cleansing breath? one in silence, one that makes you stop and see your surroundings, to see YOU? the real YOU! the one that for so long has wondered and thought of all the mistakes you have made in this life. the YOU that has talents that you have hidden for so long. the YOU that has loads of good in you that you have chosen not to see for a long time. the YOU that other people look at and say wow. the YOU that is quiet, yet open to others. the YOU that puts everyone before yourself. the YOU that would rather give your last dollar than see someone else struggle. the YOU that doesn't know why GOD has put these challenges in your life but knows that in the end they are there for a reason. the YOU that should be saying...i deserve to be haPpY. i deserve to be lOveD. i deserve to know what this life is all about.

YOU have the pOweR, YOU are the author of YOUR life. how you choose to live it...it's all up to YOU!!

tHaNk yOu

it's been awhile since i have written. tOdaY is a daY i need to write! i have so much to be thankful for. so much to love and live for. my blessing are flowing over and i just can't seem to get it all out today.


don't know why but i started renting movies from netflix. i do know why...the movie rentals and late fees are outrageous! one of the first movies i received is ps. i love you. oh my gosh!!! why have i not seen this movie before. i mean, come on...it's been out for 2 years now. maybe it wasn't the right time to see it. then when i got it and read the cover...i thought, do i want to watch this movie right now. with all that is going on in my life and with my aunt, i just can't. i have had this movie for 5 days and i put it in this morning. WOW is all i can say. i took so much out of this movie. life is short and we must live it and treasure every moment of it. if we don't...it just might not be worth living. so what if you have a bad day or someone made you mad. what are you gonna do about it? how are you going to deal with it? we have all had a loved one pass on, right? how did you cope? what did you do to celebrate their life? did you celebrate it or did you just treat it as another day? how do you celebrate it years later? what did you learn if anything? people make mistakes. we are suppose to. if we don't, we would be perfect and NO ONE is perfect! we are to dust ourselves off, jump back up and move forward. i know i have said this before but it is all coming full circle and hitting me right in the face.


"it's the little things" i say, that mean the most. the "i love you most", the good nights, the kisses when you tuck the kids in bed, the smiles on faces, the smell of fresh cut grass, the "hellos" and so many more. i am done trying to figure this life out. i have decided it's time to LIVE it! to celebrate the little things. to say thaNk yOu when complimented, to smiLe when i really don't want to cause maybe someone is falling in love with mY smile. it's giving when you have nothing else to give.


so this blog is my creativity for the day. mY something new that made me laugh, cry and smile all at the same time. it's my time to say "thank you" to all of you. for your support, your words, your thoughts, your kindness, your friendship and love! thanks for all the things you continue to do for me in mY life!!

"i am ok, i am alright. though you have gone from my life. you said that it would, now everything should be alright". ~flogging molly

trying to understand...

i am having a really difficult time right now. we seem to always think things are bad in our lives. that our lives are so full of negativity and crap. then...you hear of someone else's life. you sit back and say to yourself... it could be worse, right? well, i feel like mY family has been hit with a ton of bricks. my aunt cindy, the one that i am always quoting here was just diagnosed with rare stomach cancer. our family is still in shock! we are asking any of you who feel the need to help us find the right doctors for her to fast and pray. we are doing a family fast saturday night until sunday at 4 pm. any and all prayers are so much appreciated. it's a true test of faith when something like this occurs. you have all sorts of emotions...denial, anger, fear, frustration and so much more. you wonder why them? why would God do this to someone so righteous. someone who has so much to give and so much more to offer. you are so full of emotions that you wish it was a dream. well, it's not and now we have to face this with positiveness and hope. hope to find the right doctors for this rare cancer. hope that she and her family will stay strong. hope that her body will do all it can to continue to hold on. i am sooo blessed to have my aunt in my life. she has taught me more than she knows. she is a true child of God and i am honored to call her my aunt. may we all remember that this life is short. that you never know what God has in store for you. that you treat each day as if it were your last. that you love always, laugh much and forgive others! i love you aunt cindy! you are my hero!!

it seems like F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!!

ok, i have so many unfinished blog entries that i though i am gonna just do this one real quick so i can hit the "publish post" button. a lot of you may know that i had surgery last month and i am still recovering. my recovery time is 4-6 weeks. just like having a baby but, no baby! with this, my life has been pretty much craZier than ever. it's tough not driving and having to ask ever one to do your normal daily things for you. my family, kids and friends have been amaZing!! if it weren't for them...i don't know where i would be with this recovery right now. anywho...i just wanted to pop in real quick to say "hello" and i hope to get back to blogging soon. thanks again to everyone who has checked on me either through calls, emails, text messages and stopping by. i am truly grateful and blessed! have a fabulous tuesday my friends.

just living is not enough...

one must have sunshine,

freedom and

a few flowers.

~ hans christian anderson

i can't promise all of you sunshine {sorry for all of you that are freezing}. freedom, we are all blessed with {thanks to our service men and women}. i can however hope you eNjoY these flowers as much as i do! *hugs*

ok, it could be worse!

tOdaY the united states is making history....hmmmm
thank you lhindah! i realize that my day could be filled with crap like this gal. oh wait...it is, lol. i am just gonna have to pull out that to-do list and start marking things off. i need to try and eliminate all the bad crap out of mY life. hope you all have a terrific tuesday. i sure am gonna try...

go potty before you sit down...

wow, is all i can seem to think all day. besides crying and shaking my head in confusion. why you may ask? let me ask you...



how is it that you finally think things are going in the right direction and then BAM you are stopped by a ton of bricks?



many of you know i have been searching for a job since october. i was laid off with re/max and then my last show for sei was in november. due to the economy i will not be working for them next year. can't tell you how sad i was and still am. i lOvEd my job as one of their instructors so much. the customers at the shows, sei and my co-show/workers including the other manufactures workers were some of the most amaZing group of people i have ever met. i think without many of them i wouldn't have made it through this year. mY heart is truly full with the memories i will cherish, just because of them. lynn always new just what to say without even saying it. the best way for him...the smile, nod and a joKe!!! val...my second mom! thank you for the hugs and the talks. brittanY...OH brittany! what can i say...you are truly a sister to me. i was only blessed with one sister and if i had to...i'd pick YOU! josh...a big brother i never had. not sure if i want one but, i got him...thanks josh! sid, linda, leanna, robert, george, sally!!! without you all, my life wouldn't be so touched. linda and sid...you gave me a chance of a lifetime. i hope i never disappointed you or your company. i stood on that pedestal lynn, did i fall?



so back to today. i finally got a call that i had been waiting on. a JOB!!! so why am i not filled with excitement? i think the LORD has other plans. one i was not counting on and surely did not want! without going into details now {maybe in due time} i had to decline the offer. as many tell me...when one door closes one door opens. it's hard for me to see this. hard for me to believe that it does get better. why is it happening to me? why now? why can't the Lord see i don't think i can take much more? what am i NOT doing that i should? why, why, why?



i have been thinking long and hard today with endless tears. what if it were mY last day? am i ready to go? is mY life settled? am i truly happy? do i need forgiveness and do i need to give it as well?



i should be counting my blessing right about now, right? i am but, it is still hard. i have empty spaces that need filled. i have friends that i have let go or who have gone. i want them back!! i truly believe i NEED them. a friend told me tOdaY that just maybe i need to start asking for help. who me? not possible, i don't do that! i couldn't do that! then the words of my lovely aunt cindy again..."connie, if you don't let people help you, you are denying them blessings. in time, it will be your turn to serve." ok, OK! i get it. i need help. i know my life is craZy and it probably always will be but sometimes you have got to let go. can i do this? i am not entirely sure. do i want to? kinda scared. do i have to? ABSOLUTELY!!! if some of you out there get a phone call from me...i hope you pick up. i need all the help i can get.



so this blog leaves you more confused and baffled. guess what...me too!! remember i requested you to "log on and enjoy the journey...the rest is still unwritten?" well, i hope you continue this journey with me as i am still CREATING myself. have an amaZing night and thanks for reading. *hugs*

{haPpY 14th daLLiN}

it's hard to believe that my baby boy is 14 tOdaY! where has the time gone? i am just glad that the kids get older and we don't, lol. i remember like it was yesterday when i took this little 4lbs. 15oz. little one home to meet his brothers. i was living the life with galen and "mY 3 soNs". dallin brought and has continued to bring laughter to our family. he was the cutie with a smile! he followed suit in his brother, trevor's foot steps with all the little jokes. he has become our sports all-star! give him any sport and he will try it. he keeps me pretty busy going to try-outs, practices and games. a mom's taxi he keeps me on the run...though i wouldn't change a thing! his character and passion for life is one to truly admire. dallin, i hope you continue to grown into a wonderful young man that you already are. i love you "d". <3 always, mom

happy belated new years!

i know, i know....you've missed me, jk!!! anywho...i hope you have all had a fabulous start to the new year! 2009 has already shown me ups and downs and it's only the 13th of january. my computer is not working as well so i do not have access to the internet. i am blogging at my dad's office and checking emails. just wanted to let you all know i am still ALIVE...i think, lol. have a terrific tuesday and i will try and catch up later. *hugs*

refresh...

i finally

figured out that

the main reason

to be alive

is to eNjoY it!

~rita mae brown

i soooo need to remember this. life is a journey and i need to eNjoY it a little better.