i found a little piece of me...

today was one of those laZy days. it didn't help that i still had austin home sick. one of those days that you just really don't want to do anything. so as austin stayed in his bed i stayed in mine. i didn't want to be that far away from him in case he needed me. he didn't want to go on the couch, he wanted his own bed. can you blame him? who wouldn't want their own bed when they aren't feeling good? being in bed all day isn't good for me. for me...this is a downfall of mine. i don't do well not doing anything. it makes me feel helpless and useless. i don't get anything accomplished and i just feel down right yucky. i suffer from depression. wow, i can't believe i just shared that with all of you. though as i try and figure out who i am, this is a part of me that i try and overcome on a daily bases. i have learned to be aware of what gets me to my low points. i have through many years found how to work with it and not allow myself to become depressed, medication free. so on days like these, i struggle. i am learning to accept that depression is a disease and that it is ok to admit it. it's hard, really hard! not something i am proud of but, it is a part of me. a part that i am trying to understand and learn to deal with. why you may be asking am i sharing this? honestly, i don't know. maybe it is to reach out for help or to allow myself to help. i guess i am learning life lessons and part of being honest with myself is confronting my fears and sharing myself with others. the rEaL mE! as i go to work tomorrow, i think what a blessing. it will make me get up and shower for the day, get in touch with the real world, be a good mom to my kids and a friend. these are things i value. these are things that are important to me. what defines me as a person. things i want to become better at and love more deeply. i hope that through my journey of writing my story of mY life...i can get rEaL, be honest and discover all the things that i am in search for. whether they be good or bad. i am human, i make mistakes, i cry, i laugh, i love but most of all...i just want to "be." i want to "be" mE! discovery...there i will find joY. *night*

wanted to post this quote from joan anderson's book i am reading...

"lifelines for change, i call them. take action. have an adventure. face your fear. seize the moment. tolerate isolation. reach beyond your grasp."