I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S 18!!

it's hard to believe that trevor is 18! i remember the day he was born so clearly. he was 7 weeks early only weighing 4 lbs. 8 oz. i wondered how long he would have to be in the hospital being so small and all. i remember leaving the hospital empty handed. i was so sad not taking my wee little one with me.

i was only 19 when he entered the world. trevor couldn't wait until my 20th birthday as it was only 3 days away. he had a mind of his own from day one.

i remember how the nurses use to tell me he was rolling over in his incubator. that he would rub his little knees raw that they had to put this special tape on him so not to hurt his self. he went from tube feeding, to little bottles to finally me. this little one surprised us all. he came home only a week after his birth.

before we left the hospital we had to take a cpr class just in case trevor had any complications at home. he went home on a heart monitor that we weren't sure how long he would be on. we didn't know what being 32 plus weeks preemie meant. what life would be like for little trevor kempe.

trevor was truly a miracle baby!! he was off his heart monitor at 5 weeks. he started growing and eating like crazy. today...you would never know he was a preemie.

* age 2 trevor loved baseball

* childhood favorite movie was sandlot

* at 5 he tried to ride his big wheel to mcdonald's cause he knew how to get there

* at 6 he attended franklin elementary and surprised us all at how advanced he really was

* 2nd grade he was reading harry potter books

* entered the gifted program and loved to learn

* picked up the trumpet and hasn't put it down

* gives the best hugs

* doesn't like to smile but you can see it in his eyes

* is the best friend anyone could ever have
* loves his siblings more than his life
* he loves music
* he can drive
* his favorite color is blue
* makes people laugh
* helps those in need
* likes all the attention from all of his nieces and nephews
* his writing is amaZing {can't wait to see his name on a book}
* loves deeply
* learning to be himself

this kid, my son is totally one of a kind!! i am so honored and proud to be his mother. i am blessed beyond measures that he picked me to be his mom. i love you kiddo and hope you get everything you wish for. you're everything a mother could as for.

this was my little boy.

this is my miracle child!



happy 18th birthday trevor! mom loves you

Remembering the true meaning of Easter...

**PLEASE pause the music before you watch this wonderful video.**



though we may not share in the same beliefs or of the same faith, i do hope we all remember the true meaning of Easter.   may we remind ourselves of the sacrifice that was made on our behalf.  Xristos Anesti!

{happy valentine's day}

 for me it has been and always will be the small things that mean the most.  this morning i wanted to start out the day showing my family how much i love them.  it started with red food coloring, pancake batter, some sausage and eggs and a smoke detector.  i forget that this kitchen doesn't have good ventilation.  needless to say, ALL IS GOOD!!  i made a valentine's breakfast with much love.  i freehanded some hearts and fed my family.  remember to share this day with all the special people in your life.  let them know how much they truly mean to you.  for if it wasn't for LoVe...none of us would be here.  have a great day everyone.  i know i will, as i am spending the day with those who have my heart.  remember everyday is valentine's day.  i love you just the way you are.  {{hugs}} connie

 

If you don't go after what {YOU} want,

you'll never have it.

If you don't ask,

the answer is always no.

If you don't step forward,

you're always in the same place.

~author unknown

brandon & rachel

as i attended my cousin brandon's wedding in florence yesterday, i again was reminded how important family is.  to see a young couple start the beginning of their future as they become man & wife.  these two are so great together and i am honored i was a small part of their special day.

i think we often forget that not only do we need support in our lives from family and friends but they need it as well.  they need guidance, support and love!!  it is part of our being, to learn and then pass on our wisdom.  may this new couple eNjoY all that their future has in store for them.  may all their dreams and wishes come true.  i love you both and will always be your older, wiser cousin who will be there no matter what. 

finding me part I

as many of you know i was able to attend a wonderful retreat in idaho last october.  the brave girl camp was a life opener for me.  you can check out all the info {here} about this life changing event put on by melody ross and her sister kathy wilkins.  it was an addition to my new mE.  the mE i have been trying to find for a long while.  almost 2 1/2 years ago i started this blog in a way of a challenge from rhonna farrer after volunteering at creative escape in 2007.  i did not know where my life was going, where i needed to be or who i was.  i thought i did, as most of us do.  now almost three years later i can start the process of really finding mE.

these last few years have been a life trial.  i had to learn how to be strong, use my voice and love myself all at the same time.  i had to learn to stand on my own, be a single mom and love myself.  i had to struggle, cry myself to sleep, look in the mirror and love myself.  i went to counseling, read books, loved my children more deeply and started loving myself.  i think now is the time to share some of my story of the last few years.  you may want to go potty, grab your favorite drink and some tissues.

i was one of those girls who were lucky enough to graduate from high school and a few days later {8 to be exact}get married to my high school sweetheart.  i set all my dreams aside to begin my life as a wife and a mother-to-be.  you always think you know what road you are going to take but sometimes, God has other plans.  i began my life as a new wife wondering how great it was going to be and how excited i was to be a mom.  these two things were the start of my journey to life, finding myself and my new hopes and dreams.  i can say now that being a young mom is oh so challenging and rewarding at the same time.  i was blessed to stay home with my four children until 2004.  through out those years i found many ups and downs.  i had lots of trials and tribulations, many that won't be shared on this public forum.  i realized now i wasn't "perfect", i wasn't always right, that there is two sides to every story and that communication is truly the most important thing in life!

choices i made in my life during those years{some good and some really not so good} made me see direction.  made me choose what i wanted and where i wanted to be.  it made me try harder to be a good mom and better person.  it was hard, love and support wasn't always there.  the pain i had, the pain i cause, the choices i made were mine and mine alone.  no one else's!  i didn't want anyone to take it away, i didn't want to feel it but i surely didn't want to be the cause of it.  the choices you make, which ever road you choose puts a dot on your map of life.

after many of happy years came many sad ones.  i realized i wasn't living MY life.  i was living a life for someone else.  even though i thought that is was what i wanted and needed to make me happy, it wasn't!  i realized that if i wasn't happy, my family wasn't happy.  i found depression to be my "best friend" many of years.  i realized how this disease can affect everyone in your life, everything in your life.  i came to realize that i couldn't do it alone.  that this disease was something bigger than me at the moment.  through guidance and at times medication, i have begun to overcome my depression and finally put my "best friend" in a different place in my life.

i must say these last few years i have watched myself grow.  i read a really good book "a weekend to change your life" by joan anderson and found a new canvas.  i sense then have picked up the book again today.  i decided i was going to read it again.  i understand that sometimes you have to have trials in your life to find your strength.  that is what these last few years have been...loads of trials.  a choice i made to find mE!  as "it's a weakness to just sit and wait for life to come to you" ~joan erikson  i have to put on my big girl pants and start being a big girl ALL BY MYSELF.  i had to risk a lot to find pure happiness and comforting "peace" to find the true mE! 

"only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go." ~t. s. eliot

one foot in front of the other...

"when one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us".

~helen keller

i have been seriously reminding myself of this quote lately.  we are often faced with many trials and challenges in our lives.  some we overcome rather quickly and others take a lot longer.  though many times we allow ourselves to stay stuck in the past when we need to be focusing on the wonderful future ahead.  no, i am not saying "just get over it and move on" as i struggle with this myself.  what i am saying is... "i hope we don't miss out on what the future happiness has for us, while we can't change the past".  my future is full of happiness.  i see it quite clearly that what i had in the past has only helped me get where i need to be in the future.  i also need to remind myself to eNjoY the present!  so many things i don't want to miss...saying good-night to my children with a hug and kiss, taking them to school, watching them grow into beautiful, caring young adults, talking to my mom, reconnecting with my family, sharing time with my friends, eNjoYing new life and love with my fiance, trying new things, making new friends {bgc ;)}, believing in myself more and the list could go on.  we only get one life, we only get one chance at making the most of it.  let us learn from the past but progress to an amaZing, haPpY future.  take time to smell the roses, listen to the rain, sing in the shower, smile at a stranger.  you never know who you might inspire.  there is always someone out there that has it worse than we do...be grateful and thankful for what you have!  i don't need money but i do need love and happiness.  peace...is where i want to be.  i am still working on it melody and kathy but, with your help, love and guidence...i am getting there.  thanks bgc for the time, laughs, love, tears, hugs, modge podge, peace and friendship.  you all will forever be my heros!!

happy 15th birthday dallin!

wow, 15 years ago today i was in the hospital and gave birth to this awesome young man. it's truly hard to believe that dallin is 15. i remember like it was yesterday holding him, feeding him, caring for all his needs. watching him grow and mature. now...i am honored and blessed to call him my son. he has grown into a wonderful young, caring, companionate, friendly, athletic man. i am so proud of you "d" and hope you have a fabulous day! {{hugs}} love, mom

{i'm oK}

**please mute the music on my playlist on the right**

sticks & stones...

**special warning**

before you read this please forgive me if i may hurt anyones feelings.  that is not my intention at all!  i write these words to let others know how harmful it is when you say bad things to others.  as we teach others, our children and ourselves please remember names DO hurt as well as sticks and stones.  if you choose not to read any further, i totally understand.  it's not like i would know anyways.  i just feel this is what i really need to get off my mind today.

"sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me."

i often wondered why it is that someone has to put someone else down to feel good about themselves. why they have to lash out, say bad names and curse.

is this to make them feel better?

is it so they can feel powerful?

is it because they know how the other person will feel?

is it to make a point?

i'm not sure at all why one would do this. all i know is when it happens to me, i have to remember...

 what someone else says or thinks of me is none of MY business.

what they feel they need to do is only to make them feel good.

it's sad, it truly is.

you know bones heal, but names haunt you. they make you doubt yourself, wonder what you may have done to deserve the name calling, it makes you wonder the truthfulness of the calling.

i know that i am only accountable for me. that it is also my job to TEACH my children how hurtful this is. to teach them that it's NOT nice to call names, make fun of others or pick fights. it's truly sad when all of this comes from adults and they feel the need to put others down.

shame on YOU!!

what a poor excuse of an example you are. may you NEVER have someone knock you down or your children.  as that would be the true sadness.

words DO hurt people!