today...
if you know me you know i LOOOOOVE my hair appointments. today i had one at 11:30 and i had to cancel it. i woke up shaking, uneasy feeling in my tummy and just didn't feel right. i had no idea what was going on and why i couldn't just get ready and go! after i texted my wonderful stylist and cancelled she stated "i wondered if coming in today would be hard". guess she knew better than me that it would be. through this i have asked my mom and some family members about anxiety and what it is and feels like. well, today...i know.
i also had an appointment today at 3:30 and it seriously took me ALL DAY to get ready for it. i left the doctor feeling more anxious as now i have to take 3 medications, one can cause serious headaches if used too much and the other can cause another infection...REALLY! is this my life? i feel since i did whole 30 back in september my entire body has gone through some sort of shock. if it wasn't a bv, it was a yeast infection, then having issues with my eyes, then and then.... now this! all from trying to detox and get healthy?!
this is my last year of the 40's and i feel my body has taken a huge hit the last few years. i feel i am falling apart. i have said to my husband that too bad you can't have the lemon law for your wife cause you would be trading me in for sure! i know getting older isn't easy. i know it's a part of life. i know i have may of things i am still trying to work out. i am just wondering why now? why couldn't it be a gradual thing. i mean i seriously love aging. i don't mind it at all. i just don't remember signing up for all of this.
today i woke up wanting to write about joY. boy how that all changed. i still haven't found my mojo with writing. all i know is i have missed it, truly missed it. i use to write poetry way back in the day. i always wanted to publish a book too. maybe someday i guess. i have only been saying that for over 30+ years.
joY: hmmm, today i found joY in spending the evening with my husband and really talking. no matter what, i can always count on him for some of my joY.
goodnight.
{hugs}
connie