oh how this life is a struggle and then some...

it's so hard to be honest and real without feeling like you will be judged or talked about.  though i have learned that when you are real...you find peace in sharing.  you may just lift another, remember that you don't have it that bad or you are not alone.  one of the hardest things though is to truly admit your raw emotions.

i always want people to see the good in me.  all that i have to offer.  the happy, smiley me, put together me.  no one really likes to show their naked self.  their raw self.  their insecure parts.

see i suffer from depression.  maybe saying it out loud and typing it then re-reading it may sink in for me.  funny right?  it's hard to share this sometimes.  most people tell you to "just get over it".  it's NOT that easy.  would you tell a cancer patient to "just get over it" or what about an alcoholic?  depression is REAL!  there are many forms of depressions.  there is also many forms of help.

i use to take medications for it.  now i am taking a natural supplement.  i have seen counselors, talked with friends and family members about it as well.  i have learned that i come from a long line of family members who have depression.  i know the signs but some days...it just hits me like a wall!

why is it a quiet diseases? 
why are we ashamed to share this? 
why are we afraid to ask for help?

i think our society has made it that way.  all the negative remarks and the "just get over it" comments really made people think twice about opening up about this.  i have said a few things here and there but this time, i'm not afraid to admit it.  i know there will be those who will hold it against me.  use it to their advantage.  those that will turn away and those that will laugh at it.  i should know...it's happened many times to me.  it's sad.  really!

it breaks my heart that i didn't get the much needed help early on in life.  i think it's because there are people that didn't want to believe it was REAL.  now as an adult i see the signs, it's just still hard to ask for help.  for me, i think i don't want to bother anyone with "my" problems, "my" life, "my" situations because it's too hard or embarrassing.  though what i am learning is I AM NOT ALONE.  there are many of us out there.  we hind behind our "mask" of smiles, happiness and the so called "perfect" life.

we all struggle.  we all have trials and challenges.  some may be harder than others but we all have pain.  our 'OWN' pain.  it HURTS! it's REAL!

the shoes i walk in everyday are so heavy loaded.  some days i can not even get out of bed.  these days may even be more than one...in bed, alone with my thoughts and tears.  it's pretty scary too.  i feel as though at times i am fighting some kind of demon.  i feel as though its too hard to win.  too hard to keep on living.  at times there are even suicidal thoughts and suicidal attempts. 

as i was pondering this post.  i felt prompted to surf through some blogs and facebook.  i know why, i was to stop dead in my tracks.  it was to read miss margie romney-aslett blog post today.  margie had just posted a post on this very same subject.  her raw, real, private self.  you can read margie's post {HERE}.  i want to publicly thank her from the bottom of my heart for sharing.  i find at times when i read about others stories...it will help me deal and heal mine.  THANK YOU miss margie.  you seriously roCk girl. 

i hope that throughout your day today and every day you won't judge.  we all are going through some kind of trouble, trial, challenge or pain.  we just don't wear signs that tell you what they are. 

take the time to send a quick text, pick up the phone, send an e-mail, go to lunch, send a card or flowers, give a hug or some king of gesture to let others know you care.  that no matter what they are going through...you will be there.

love to you all.
{hugs}
connie