{happy valentine's day}

 for me it has been and always will be the small things that mean the most.  this morning i wanted to start out the day showing my family how much i love them.  it started with red food coloring, pancake batter, some sausage and eggs and a smoke detector.  i forget that this kitchen doesn't have good ventilation.  needless to say, ALL IS GOOD!!  i made a valentine's breakfast with much love.  i freehanded some hearts and fed my family.  remember to share this day with all the special people in your life.  let them know how much they truly mean to you.  for if it wasn't for LoVe...none of us would be here.  have a great day everyone.  i know i will, as i am spending the day with those who have my heart.  remember everyday is valentine's day.  i love you just the way you are.  {{hugs}} connie

 

If you don't go after what {YOU} want,

you'll never have it.

If you don't ask,

the answer is always no.

If you don't step forward,

you're always in the same place.

~author unknown

brandon & rachel

as i attended my cousin brandon's wedding in florence yesterday, i again was reminded how important family is.  to see a young couple start the beginning of their future as they become man & wife.  these two are so great together and i am honored i was a small part of their special day.

i think we often forget that not only do we need support in our lives from family and friends but they need it as well.  they need guidance, support and love!!  it is part of our being, to learn and then pass on our wisdom.  may this new couple eNjoY all that their future has in store for them.  may all their dreams and wishes come true.  i love you both and will always be your older, wiser cousin who will be there no matter what. 

finding me part I

as many of you know i was able to attend a wonderful retreat in idaho last october.  the brave girl camp was a life opener for me.  you can check out all the info {here} about this life changing event put on by melody ross and her sister kathy wilkins.  it was an addition to my new mE.  the mE i have been trying to find for a long while.  almost 2 1/2 years ago i started this blog in a way of a challenge from rhonna farrer after volunteering at creative escape in 2007.  i did not know where my life was going, where i needed to be or who i was.  i thought i did, as most of us do.  now almost three years later i can start the process of really finding mE.

these last few years have been a life trial.  i had to learn how to be strong, use my voice and love myself all at the same time.  i had to learn to stand on my own, be a single mom and love myself.  i had to struggle, cry myself to sleep, look in the mirror and love myself.  i went to counseling, read books, loved my children more deeply and started loving myself.  i think now is the time to share some of my story of the last few years.  you may want to go potty, grab your favorite drink and some tissues.

i was one of those girls who were lucky enough to graduate from high school and a few days later {8 to be exact}get married to my high school sweetheart.  i set all my dreams aside to begin my life as a wife and a mother-to-be.  you always think you know what road you are going to take but sometimes, God has other plans.  i began my life as a new wife wondering how great it was going to be and how excited i was to be a mom.  these two things were the start of my journey to life, finding myself and my new hopes and dreams.  i can say now that being a young mom is oh so challenging and rewarding at the same time.  i was blessed to stay home with my four children until 2004.  through out those years i found many ups and downs.  i had lots of trials and tribulations, many that won't be shared on this public forum.  i realized now i wasn't "perfect", i wasn't always right, that there is two sides to every story and that communication is truly the most important thing in life!

choices i made in my life during those years{some good and some really not so good} made me see direction.  made me choose what i wanted and where i wanted to be.  it made me try harder to be a good mom and better person.  it was hard, love and support wasn't always there.  the pain i had, the pain i cause, the choices i made were mine and mine alone.  no one else's!  i didn't want anyone to take it away, i didn't want to feel it but i surely didn't want to be the cause of it.  the choices you make, which ever road you choose puts a dot on your map of life.

after many of happy years came many sad ones.  i realized i wasn't living MY life.  i was living a life for someone else.  even though i thought that is was what i wanted and needed to make me happy, it wasn't!  i realized that if i wasn't happy, my family wasn't happy.  i found depression to be my "best friend" many of years.  i realized how this disease can affect everyone in your life, everything in your life.  i came to realize that i couldn't do it alone.  that this disease was something bigger than me at the moment.  through guidance and at times medication, i have begun to overcome my depression and finally put my "best friend" in a different place in my life.

i must say these last few years i have watched myself grow.  i read a really good book "a weekend to change your life" by joan anderson and found a new canvas.  i sense then have picked up the book again today.  i decided i was going to read it again.  i understand that sometimes you have to have trials in your life to find your strength.  that is what these last few years have been...loads of trials.  a choice i made to find mE!  as "it's a weakness to just sit and wait for life to come to you" ~joan erikson  i have to put on my big girl pants and start being a big girl ALL BY MYSELF.  i had to risk a lot to find pure happiness and comforting "peace" to find the true mE! 

"only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go." ~t. s. eliot