these last couple of weeks have been so crazy busy that i have found no time for anything. i have been under a lot of stress and my entire house has been a wreck. the saying " when momma' ain't happy, then no one is happy" has been the theme in our home. there have been busy days, sad days, frustrating days, things that don't go right {all day} days and over all burnt out days. we had soccer tryouts, sports physicals, birthdays, school starting, 3 hour drive with 3 hour doctors appointments, dentist appointments, work for me {out side the home} a trip to flagstaff for school supplies and clothes, another 3 1/2 over night drive with a half a day doctors appointment, soccer cuts, ultra sounds, austin's first day at his new day program and the list could seriously go on...

my head, heart and eyes feel like they are about to explode. i know that god will never give us more than we can handle but it's really enough already. all of these things that happened and I MISS MY MOMMY!! {she's been gone for the last 5 weeks}

i know this too shall pass and that someone else out there always has it worse.  i just want a break for a bit so i can breathe.  one of the major things weighing on me is my littlest little will be having surgery soon.  please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.  she has been through so much in her 14 years.

i just don't think she can take one more thing and neither can i.

my quiet moments alone i do my reading.  sometimes that means my most favorite blogs.  other times it's a much needed book and then times it's the bible.  this morning i have been catching up on my blogs.  i am seriously speechless.  i am at awe at these amazing women.  i find comfort and strength in their words.  yet, i struggle with myself.

i have had the opportunity to have many different faiths in my life.  i have at times struggled with them all.  i would say the last 13 years or so have been a true struggle.  i have found it hard to be in one single faith.  i know i have a testimony of god.  i know i haven't been a faithful christan.  yet, god is still there.  waiting...

i read a few of my friends blogs that really touched me in one way or another.  through faithfulness, strength, learning, powerful prayer, desires of the heart and just being a good example of christianity.  you can check out their blogs here...{mikal}, {kristan}, {kolleen}, {jean}, {kelly}.

i have decided to put all religions aside and just get down to myself and god. this is very hard. it is truly the raw side of me that sometimes i don't want others to see. what i am learning from it, is that god WILL always be there. in my weakness, in my pain, sorrow, happy times, in my strength and all the other times as well. he is the one that will never leave my side. the one that will stay back and wait for me. the one who will love me unconditionally no matter what.  the one i need to put my heart and soul into.  the one that knows me best.  the one that i should be listening to.  the one that will never fail me.

i am striving to live my truth.  to live a life i am pleased with.  to live a life others may learn from and gain strength from.  to be an example of forgiveness, unconditional love and true christianity. 

i am enough and so are YOU!!

"God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow or sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it".


i am working really hard at being "ok" with me.  to be a better person.  to apologize when necessary.  to not think bad of others.  to accept others for who they are.  to love unconditionally.  i have always thought myself as a good, kind, caring, loving, forgiving person but sometimes the yuck thoughts creep in.  they are not always good and most of the time are not always truths. 

i would like to take this opportunity to apologize to many of you.  you may not even understand why i am apologizing.  though my heart tells me i need to do this.

i am sorry.

my heart is full of pain and hurt that sometimes i don't realize i put that onto others.  this is a fault of mine.  one i am working so hard on.  i hope in time you can forgive me.  i hope in time i may forgive myself so i can move forward and love myself unconditionally.  i know with prayer and god all things are possible.  through him, i will get through this.
much love to you all.
have a fabulous weekend.

be kinder than necessary,

for everyone you meet

 is fighting some kind of battle...

~author unknown

happy birthday dad!

happy birthday dad!

may your day be wonderful.

you are loved!