happy??

i have been having a difficult week. i wonder sometimes if it's that "time of the month" or what?? i mean, all my symptoms are if it is but...my body doesn't have those parts anymore, lol. yet...i still get the symptoms.

i have also been soul searching. LISTENING to the inner me that is trying to tell me something. i have been truly blessed to have a husband send me to {brave girls camp} not just once, but twice! at this life changing retreat i learned many techniques on how to rediscover mE, i have been so desperately searching for the last 4 years or so. i have discovered that i am still here, still searching at times and that i am ALIVE! this in itself is in deed a true blessing.

today i was reading over my normal blogs and i came across shirley's. she is one of the original brave girls that i had the pleasure of meeting october of 2009. she has decided to spread her wings and fLy! i am following her journey in india, yes INDIA! you can follow it too {here}. i love how she so perfectly said this "My life is definitely on a new path, one of love and discovery. I am forward focus, the past is the past and it shall remain there. The only thing I ever intend to bring forward from the past is positive memories. The hurt, pain or confusion…anything negative will forever remain where it belongs, in the past." i read this and said to myself...i too must live this. i have been creating a new path, one of love and discovery and i am only wanting to focus on the now and the future. i thought to myself shirley is right! the past needs to be the past and i should only carry the memories.

so today...i called one of my original brave girls sister, {christi}. she had called me a couple of days ago and i was at work and could not talk. i sent her a text and didn't hear back. i was concerned and called her this morning. we had a great 2 hour talk. we talked about everything!! it made me realize again that melody and kathy's dream to reach women around the world, is a blessing in disguise for me. i have met and made so many friendships from this camp and christi is one that will be in my heart forever.

i know we are all busy. we have lives...we are working women, stay at home moms, grandmothers, travel seekers, providers, artist, writers, friends, survivors, daughters and the list could go on. though there are times that stop us dead in our tracks and make us look upon this life we live. it makes us question...

who we are?

why are we here?

what service have i done?

did i make the right choice?

all these questions that make us doubt our very souls. that make us wonder...

if...

the choices we made are the right ones?

is the path i took correct?

are the dream i followed going to pan out?

did the call i just make, make a difference?

ask yourself...right now...

are YOU happy?

we all have choices, it's part of the plan that was made for us. though how we choose to live our lives is up to us. WE get to decide. whether it's right or wrong, it's YOUR choice. i know we all have tough days...believe me i have them A LOT! though i always find it somewhere in me to reflect on the thought that someone always has it worse than i do. that maybe my situations isn't so bad after all.

service: noun 1. an act of helpful activity; help; aid: to do someone a service.

today i did a little service and you know what...my life isn't so bad after all. i may need a quick kick in the butt or a little hug to remind myself to be happy today. but i feel tons better for allowing myself to be of service.

happy...me...well i am getting there.

have a fabulous day my friends. tomorrow is friday!

{{hugs}}

thankful

Happy moments, Praise God.

Difficult moments, Seek God.

Quiet moments, Worship God.

Painful moments, Trust God.

Every moment, Thank God.

a friend of mine posted this quote on his facebook page. i thought it was absolutely perfect for me right now, at this very moment! i am thankful everyday, for every moment, for everything in my life.

{{hugs}}

connie

Joan Elaine McCarty Biesemeyer

Joan Elaine Biesemeyer, 78, passed away peacefully on March 8, 2011. She was born February 26, 1933 in Vernal, Utah to James Alexander McCarty and Mildred Cloward. Arizona was her home for 72 years, the last 31 years in Mesa. She married William (Bill) Biesemeyer on March 18, 1950 and was sealed to him in the Manti temple for time and all eternity on September 5, 1981. She was preceded in death by her parents, her sister June Pew, her brother James McCarty, and her daughter-in-law Cindy Biesemeyer. She is survived by her husband of 61 years, her children Dan Biesemeyer of Mesa AZ and Diane Palmer of Syracuse UT, and her sister Jean Weaver. She has nine grandchildren and 29 great-grandchildren.She helped her husband Bill run Biesemeyer Manufacturing for almost 20 years. Joan generously shared her time and talents in serving her family and friends throughout her life. She was the glue that held her family together. She will be sadly missed by all. A visitation will be held on Friday, March 11 from 6-8 pm at Melcher Mortuary, 43 S. Stapley Dr. in Mesa. Services will be held on Saturday, March 12 at 10 am at the LDS Church 1455 N. Harris in Mesa. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to Wells Fargo acct 1343926158 to help with the medical and funeral expenses for her daughter-in-law Cindy Biesemeyer. Melcher Chapel of the Roses handled arrangements.

Cindy Lou Capron Biesemeyer

Cindy Lou Capron Biesemeyer, 53, returned home to be with her loving Heavenly Father on March 3, 2011. She was born on April 21, 1957 in Warren, PA to Ellen Louise Vaow and Gilbert Otto Capron. She died surrounded by loved ones in her Mesa home of 30 years. She was preceded in death by her father, her brother, Gilbert Capron, Jr. and her sister, Cathy Ishman. She is survived by her mother and step-father, Ellen and Larry Wallace of Pittsfield, PA and her siblings: Sue Capron Bennett, Sherry Catalfu, Patty Chase, Bob Capron, Ken Capron, Jeff Wallace, Ken Wallace, Matt Capron, Karen Wallace and Tammy Wallace. She will also be sadly missed by her husband of 37 years, Dan Biesemeyer and their children Shane Biesemeyer, Shannon Powell, Brandon Biesemeyer and Breanne Bergman and 12 grandchildren. Cindy’s greatest legacy will be her love for her family, love of service to others and for her faith and great love for her Father in Heaven. A visitation will be held on Thurs, March 10, 2011 from 6-8 pm at Bunker’s Garden Chapel 33 N. Centennial Way Mesa. Services will be held on Fri, March 11, 2011 at 10 am at the LDS Church 1455 N. Harris in Mesa. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to Wells Fargo acct 1343926158 to help with medical and funeral expenses.

final good-bye...

i am going to say my final good-byes to my sweet aunt cindy tomorrow. i thought i was ready but, i am not so sure. my mom keeps me updated on her status daily. all of her family has been at her side. i am truly blessed to have had her in my life. she is such an example and inspiration to me. she is truly an angel of god!! i love you aunt cindy and you will truly be missed.

{{hugs}}


i love you aunt cindy!!
re-post of a few blogs entries and a new one.

Thursday, February 19, 2009
trying to understand...
i am having a really difficult time right now. we seem to always think things are bad in our lives. that our lives are so full of negativity and crap. then...you hear of someone else's life. you sit back and say to yourself... it could be worse, right? well, i feel like mY family has been hit with a ton of bricks. my aunt cindy, the one that i am always quoting here was just diagnosed with rare stomach and esophageal cancer. our family is still in shock! we are asking any of you who feel the need to help us find the right doctors for her to fast and pray. we are doing a family fast saturday night until sunday at 4 pm. any and all prayers are so much appreciated. it's a true test of faith when something like this occurs. you have all sorts of emotions...denial, anger, fear, frustration and so much more. you wonder why them? why would God do this to someone so righteous. someone who has so much to give and so much more to offer. you are so full of emotions that you wish it was a dream. well, it's not and now we have to face this with positiveness and hope. hope to find the right doctors for this rare cancer. hope that she and her family will stay strong. hope that her body will do all it can to continue to hold on. i am sooo blessed to have my aunt in my life. she has taught me more than she knows. she is a true child of God and i am honored to call her my aunt. may we all remember that this life is short. that you never know what God has in store for you. that you treat each day as if it were your last. that you love always, laugh much and forgive others! i love you aunt cindy! you are my hero!!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009
tHaNk yOu



it's been awhile since i have written. tOdaY is a daY i need to write! i have so much to be thankful for. so much to love and live for. my blessing are flowing over and i just can't seem to get it all out today.

don't know why but i started renting movies from netflix. i do know why...the movie rentals and late fees are outrageous! one of the first movies i received is ps. i love you. oh my gosh!!! why have i not seen this movie before. i mean, come on...it's been out for 2 years now. maybe it wasn't the right time to see it. then when i got it and read the cover...i thought, do i want to watch this movie right now. with all that is going on in my life and with my aunt, i just can't. i have had this movie for 5 days and i put it in this morning. WOW is all i can say. i took so much out of this movie. life is short and we must live it and treasure every moment of it. if we don't...it just might not be worth living. so what if you have a bad day or someone made you mad. what are you gonna do about it? how are you going to deal with it? we have all had a loved one pass on, right? how did you cope? what did you do to celebrate their life? did you celebrate it or did you just treat it as another day? how do you celebrate it years later? what did you learn if anything? people make mistakes. we are suppose to. if we don't, we would be perfect and NO ONE is perfect! we are to dust ourselves off, jump back up and move forward. i know i have said this before but it is all coming full circle and hitting me right in the face.

"it's the little things" i say, that mean the most. the "i love you most", the good nights, the kisses when you tuck the kids in bed, the smiles on faces, the smell of fresh cut grass, the "hellos" and so many more. i am done trying to figure this life out. i have decided it's time to LIVE it! to celebrate the little things. to say thaNk yOu when complimented, to smiLe when i really don't want to cause maybe someone is falling in love with mY smile. it's giving when you have nothing else to give.

so this blog is my creativity for the day. mY something new that made me laugh, cry and smile all at the same time. it's my time to say "thank you" to all of you. for your support, your words, your thoughts, your kindness, your friendship and love! thanks for all the things you continue to do for me in mY life!!

"i am ok, i am alright. though you have gone from my life. you said that it would, now everything should be alright". ~flogging molly

january 13, 2011
so i have been absent for a long while, have many "draft" blogs and still no posting from me. well i came home from the mayo hospital in phoenix last night. after all this time...we thought my aunt cindy was a cancer survivor!! all her PET scans came back good and things were somewhat back to "normal" for her. well not so...on december 23rd she went to the hospital for her 6 week stretch of her esophagus and she was admitted until january 2nd. on monday january 10th she was rushed to the er and admitted to the icu. family and friends were told to come. now it will be in the Lord's hands on His time. the cancer has spread all over. it's now in her liver and around her heart. i made a decision to drop what i was doing because i DO NOT want to have any regrets at the start of a new year or anymore in my life. i asked my 4 children if they would like to see their aunt cindy before she is called home. each one of them said "yes". so we packed our bags and off we went at 7pm to go to the valley. we arrived at 11pm, i settled them all in, we slept or at least the kids did and in the morning we headed to the hospital. each one of my precious children talked to their aunt and said they loved her. she allowed me to capture a photo {left my camera in the car} on my cell phone of my four children with our favorite aunt cindy!!

this photo will be cherished FOREVER along with the other ones and all the memories i have with her. aunt cindy...did i ever tell you you're my HERO!!! you're everything i wish i could be. I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER.

today i am letting myself cry, letting my soul feel. today i am letting my body rest and trying to go to where the peace is. today i am reminded again what really is important in this life...FAMILY !!!


until next time my friends.
{{hugs}}
connie