{i love you}

as i came home from {creative escape} totally exhausted yet inspired, i had to share a quick note. this years ce was filled with passion, strength, friendship, inspiration, charity, humility and lOvE. as tradition, ce always end with a wonderful dinner {where we eat dessert first!!}, prizes, raffles, silent auction and closing speaker, again i was truly amaZed! creative escape attendants, volunteers, teachers and staff raised $50,000 for the leukemia and lymphoma society. as i sat there silently with tears streaming down my face, i looked at my camera. the first pictures on my camera were pictures of my aunt cindy in the hospital. my most precious picture is of me in bed with her. i then turned to the thought of my uncle matt {who was born 10 years later on aunt cindy's birthday}. these two members of mY family are the two i spoke of in a previous blog who have been diagnosed with cancer. one a rare form of stomach and the other throat. i realized how lucky i am to be touched by their sweet spirits. how lucky i am to have many fond memories with them. how lucky i am that they are strong people who know how precious life is. how lucky i am to love them! i just wanted to let them know they are always in my thoughts and forever in my prayers. i love you aunt cindy & uncle matt!! thank you for sharing your love and life with me. i am truly blessed and the luCky one. {{hugs}}

{sleep}

i find myself wide awake at 1 am {now 1:30}. tomorrow is a busy day and i know how important a good nights rest is. i need to find some way to unwind in the evening. i need to try and go to bed earlier as i still get up at 6 am no matter what time the eyes close. then it's trying to STAY asleep... anyone out there struggle with this?

i have so many thoughts going through my mind right now that i wish to blog. i just don't think i would get it all out right even if i tried. listening to my blog music is relaxing...though i have shed a few tears, i must find time to sleep. close my thoughts, shut my mind off...clear it!

ok, a quick quote....

bebrilliant.
do more than exist,
LIVE.
do more than touch,
FEEL.
do more than look,
OBSERVE.
do more than read,
ABSORB.
do more than hear,
LISTEN.
do more than listen,
UNDERSTAND.
do more than think,
PONDER.
do more than talk,
SAY SOMETHING.

~john h. rhoades

night all...i hope. {{hugs}}

{SERIOUSLY}

as i struggle to blog today i am so mixed with emotions. i just got off the phone with my mother and she told me some not so good news. my uncle matt was just diagnosed with throat cancer. c'mon...i don't get it. what is going on? in 2003 my mom developed some sort of neurological disorder that has made her disabled. 2005 we lost my aunt cathy with heart problems. the beginning of this year my aunt was diagnosed with a rare form of esophagus/stomach cancer. as of today she has had chemo, radiation and her stomach completely removed. now today, my uncle matt. oh and that's not all, my brother is off to iraq at the end of the month. all of these relatives are on my mom's side.

seriously, SERIOUSLY?! i can't even begin to think of words to say. i know i need to stay positive, i know i need to for my mom but...C'MON!! i want to cry, yell, scream, be angry and so much more. i don't know what to do, i don't know what to say. i just have that burning question...WHY?

i know right now i need strength. i know i need to stay positive. i know my family needs positive thoughts and loads of prayers.

i just want it all to go away...