two more daYs!

as christmas is only two days away i have been thinking lately about what it truly means. for kids we know they are all excited about the gifts. what is it for us adults? is it shopping for the presents, baking with the kids/grandkids, wrapping presents, addressing christmas cards or spending time with family and friends. as i thought of all these things i realized that this christmas is probably gonna be a bit different for everyone this year. there have been a lot of changes in the world this year, a lot of changes in our lives. as i have taken the time out to explain to my children that christmas will be different i also tell them it will be more memorable. the time with them is more precious to me than gold. time where we can be together eNjoYing each other and making new memories. you may not be able to give them the world but, the world is theirs for the taking. does christmas need to be one time a year? think about it...why is it that we can't share this time always. that we can't be in this cheerful mood, share our bake goods with our friends and neighbors or show love to mankind. i hope this year you take the extra time to tell those you love them, that you appreciate them and that without them, your life just wouldn't be the same. a birth of a child brought us this special holiday to eNjoY. keep that love in your heart, keep the spirit in your soul and the smile always on your face. remember there is always someone out there who has it worse than you. haPpY hoLidaYs to you and yours. may 2009 bring a year full of new and exciting memories! much love always, connie

breathe...

Drink your tea slowly and reverently,

as if it is the axis on which the earth revolves -

slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future.

Live the actual moment.

Only this moment is life.

~ Thick Nhat Hanh

{one daY}

this weekend has been an eye opener for me. so many things, so many emotions, so many friends and some that have been gone for too long. i miss those friends and really wish they were here. i was introduced to lady antebellum's cd by a new friend of mine rachel. i knew a few of their songs but this cd is amaZing! i think every song i listen to i related with. i was moved to tears, laughter, dancing & singing. this song i have on my playlist is where i am...one daY i know i won't feel like i am always going backwards. that there is sun shining!!! that there is true peace out there for me. i know no one can change how my moods are but me. i know many of you have tried really hard this weekend. i can not tell you enough how thankful i am to have you in my life now. to remind me of my blessings, that there is always someone out there worse off than me, that it will get better, that i DO deserve happiness. it is just a really bad time for me. it's been a tough road...christmas doesn't make it any easier. a lot of memories with christmas aren't the same this year. i know i need to be a happy girl/mom for my kids but, it's hard. i struggle daily, YES DAILY to have strength. to wake up each morning and start a new day. i am tired of no jobs, tired of no money, tired of what could of been and wondering what could be. i know that everything that breaks me only makes me stronger but, i wanna be weak. i want life to stop for just a moment so i can catch my breath and regroup. today was a great day to do this. i spent the day with my kids watching movies, football and napping here and there. i realized again that it's the small things that truly count. the moments that aren't planned, unscripted in life. the little things that make you smile. the looks that make you laugh, and the hugs and i love you that make you cry. pondering that i don't have many more years until all my kiddos are gone. that they will no longer need me. that they will start their new life...am i ready? NO!!! i totally enjoyed those baby years. i can't get them back but, i try and remember them often. it's tough...not being with my kids all the time. so when i am with them...they are all that matter. i love to feel wanted and needed by them. i love that they can come to me and know that i am here for them. i am blessed...ok i know that {one daY} it will get better. i guess today just isn't the day.

{lessons learned}

There's some things that I regret,

Some words I wish had gone unsaid,

Some starts,

That had some bitter endings,

Been some bad times I've been through,

Damage I cannot undo,

Some things,

I wish I could do all all over again,

But it don't really matter,

Life gets that much harder,

It makes you that much stronger,

Oh, some pages turned,

Some bridges burned,

But there were,

Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,

Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,

Every change,

life has thrown me,

I'm thankful,

for every break in my heart,

I'm grateful,

for every scar,

Some pages turned,

Some bridges burned,

But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,

Some chances I just threw away,

Some roads,

I never should've taken,

Been some signs I didn't see,

Hearts that I hurt needlessly,

Some wounds,

That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,

But it don't make no difference,

The past can't be rewritten,

You get the life you're given,

Oh, some pages turned,

Some bridges burned,

But there were,

Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,

Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,

Every change,

life has thrown me,

I'm thankful,

for every break in my heart,

I'm grateful, for every scar,

Some pages turned,

Some bridges burned,

But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,

Are all the things that make you strong,

You can't change the past,

Cause it's gone,

And you just gotta move on,

Because it's all,

Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,

Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,

Every change,

life has thrown me,

I'm thankful,

for every break in my heart,

I'm grateful,

for every scar,

Some pages turned,

Some bridges burned,

But there were lessons learned,

Oh, some pages turned,

Some bridges burned,

But there were lessons learned,

Lessons learned.

~carrie underwood

rambling...

i don't want to forget

what i have,

i just need to let go

of what i don't.

~connie j. capron

as thanksgiving came and went an another holiday is just around the corner a quote popped into my head. one i hope no others will take credit, but share it. how often are we down on ourselves. thinking of what we don't have and what others do? is it friends, family, a job, money, love, trust, a home and the list could go on. how many times do we carry the bad things in our lives? the negative, the sickness, the whoa is me, what do i have? why must we let the bad always seem to outweigh the good? isn't it tiring? isn't it sad? i thought again...i know, me thinking is scary, lol. am i making the most out of this life? did i do or say anything that i regret? did i smile tOdaY? am i truly happy with me? am i creating myself to {be} happy? life is too short. life is a test. is it ok to have that moment, the one that may not last forever? many, many questions we can be asking ourselves. though i think the biggest one of them all is...ARE WE HAPPY? if we are not happy there is no way we can make others happy. there is no way we can truly love another unless we love and accept our self for who and what we are. we have to let go of the past to move forward. doesn't mean we won't forget or miss it. it just means there is a lesson there and hopefully next time around we learn something from it. it's ok to say i'm sorry. it's not ok to never forgive. it's ok to admit wrong. it's not ok to lay blame. i realize that everyday i am learning something new. something new about myself and i can even say...i like mE. i do have many good qualities! i do have a lot to offer! it may take a long time for others to realize. then again i don't need to worry about what others think of me. i only need to think of how i think of me and how i see myself. thanksgiving was tough for me this year but i got through it. my family and friends helped me get through it! i am blessed and grateful for what i have, what i hope to continue to gain and what obstacles may continue to face me. i am strong, i am invincibly, i am women!! helen reddy and mom...all because of you i can move ahead one tiny step at a time. thanks to my readers in blog land. those that read and leave comments and those that lurk. it makes me feel like i am contributing my small piece in this world. it's late and i think i have rambled enough. *hugs* and good night! connie